Derailed

Chapter Ten

I moved through the motions Thursday, but I wasn't really there. The night before, Adam wasn't in my dreams, but Dad was. He was the one screaming for me, but I couldn't actually hear it through the car door. Instead of a hook keeping me from the water—I couldn't budge the door. No matter how hard I pulled, it wouldn't give. A whistle blew, and I woke up crying hysterically. Even though it was the last place in the world I should have gone, I dragged myself down the hall into my parents' bed just like I did as a little girl, before everything in life got so complicated.

I thought about calling Gavin to cancel on our "friend dinner" a few times, but knew that if I did, I'd probably wind up at Ben's, and that was a temptation I needed to resist. I knew I wasn't good for him, but I couldn't stay away. Every time I thought I'd pushed him from my head, his smile would show up in my mind again. Sometimes I'd think about what we'd done recently, but more often than not I'd remember something from when we dated. Usually that led to me comparing my time with him to my time with Adam, which was a horrible idea.

"You okay, sweetie?" Gail asked after I overfilled someone's coffee, splashing it everywhere. I knew she wasn't asking if I got burned.

"Oh, I'm fine, sorry for being distracted." I picked up a cloth and mopped up my mess, smiling in apology as I handed over the coffee to the customer.

"All right. You'll talk to me when you're ready." Gail gently patted my back. She still smelled like coffee and lavender. I liked the comfort of the familiar.

I spent my break taking pictures of flowers at the nursery across the street. Mr. Adkins waved me in when I approached with my camera. I didn't even have to explain what I was doing. The colors of the flowers were amazing, especially the roses, but I shot in black and white. There was something kind of poetic of robbing the flowers of their intense colors and revealing the parts of them that usually got overshadowed. Anyway, I was really more in the black and white mood.

"Could I see your pictures?" Mr. Adkins asked as I got ready to leave.

"Sure." He leaned over me as I flipped through them.

"Do you think you could print out some of those for me?" he asked.

"Oh, sure I can." I looked down at the picture on the screen, surprised he was so interested in my photos. "What type of sizes were you thinking?"

"Maybe just some five by sevens. I'd love to put a few up in the back office."

"All right, not a problem. I'll bring them over soon."

"Great. You've always been so talented with a camera; maybe if you're really sure you don't want to be a lawyer, you can try that."

"What, to be a professional photographer or something?"

"Maybe. But what do I know? It was nice seeing you today. Come by anytime."

"Thanks." I waved as I left. I wondered if I could figure out a way to make any money from my photos. I needed any income I could get.

I was done with work at five, so I walked home slowly, not sure what to make of the night's plans. I wasn't sure where Gavin had made reservations, so I opted to wear a simple spaghetti strap black sundress, figuring it would work anywhere he took us. I hadn't bothered with makeup, and I left my hair down.

Gavin showed up a few minutes early, but I was ready for him. Sitting out on the front porch, I watched him pull his Yukon, complete with roof mounted fog lights and a front winch, into the driveway. Boys only drove big cars in Clayton Falls. It was nothing like the tiny Miata Adam had treated himself to when he got his signing bonus. I was always worried we'd get squashed driving around in it.