here and gone || g.d + e.d

three

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER SUCKS:,)
[ ETHAN'S POV ]
                       thursday
I told myself to be strong for Kara these last few days, but I keep finding myself laying awake at night, sweating and crying at night.

it's been 3 days since grayson and madison went missing, and the search is still going on. the police haven't given up, but i know that soon they'll give up, and we will have to let go.

i have this fiery, burning sensation in my stomach everytime I wake up and see Grayson's room, isolated.

he's my bestfriend, and he just disappeared out of nowhere. the only way to sum this up is that my heart hurts, and I'm lonely.

me and Kara are just two broken people, relying on each other for support. It's not healthy, to trust another person with your happiness, but we've been fucked up since the whole thing happened.  

why can't they just come back?
_
[KARA'S POV]

i wake up to the annoying sound of my alarm, and quickly push the stop button.

getting out of bed, I nearly trip over my own feet.

i look in the mirror, and see that i am not okay. my eyes are saggy, red and puffy, my cheekbones are more visible and i seem to have more shadow in my face than normal.

why do I look like this? I ask myself, walking out of my room and going back into madison's room to wake her up.

"madi... wake u-" i almost say, before reality slaps me in the face.

she's fucking gone, so is Grayson. everything is just too hard to cope with, i have nothing to turn too but Ethan.

self harm won't help anything.

alcohol is a temporary fix.

drugs will ruin my life and temporarily keep me from feeling any pain.

why is everything temporary? if they were back, this ice cold feeling I have everyday knowing she's gone, would go away.

how selfish could they be?

i slowly make my way into my room, picking up my phone and scroll through my notifications, rolling my eyes.

every single one was another tweet to me or Ethan saying that they have our backs, or that they know how we feel.

no, no you don't know how it feels.

to lay awake at night, eyes wide open hoping that your twin sibling is gonna walk through the front door, and greeting you.

you don't know how it feels to walk into your own home, and it feel cold, not because the air conditioner is on, but because the life of the party, the light in your life, is gone.

i love Ethan, believe me I do. I won't ever do anything to hurt him, but we have to make decisions, whether that ends up in us leaving each other, or helping each other find ourselves.

-

after laying in bed for a while, I decide to get up and actually go to school today.

i feel like if madison isn't.. you know.. alive anymore, she wouldn't want me to sit around moping all the time.

i put on a simple outfit today, it only consisting of a mustard yellow and white stripe sweater, blue skinny jeans and my favorite doc martens.