Drib Drabs (boyxboy) (girlxgirl)

Lose Yourself

Fota Wildlife Park isn’t a place I’m fond of.

In fact, I doubt I’d want to be here at all, if it wasn’t for Liz.

Trapping animals and putting them on display seems garish and cruel to me, but Liz works here, as a zoologist. That makes spending days here seem worth it.

Today, though, she’s not working.

“What are you thinking about Red? Hm?” Liz’s booming laugh rings through the enclosure, echoing off the walls. I grin. Her laugh is so loud and carefree. Every time you hear it, you know it’s coming from someone who’s completely content and doesn’t care if everybody knows it. “Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that big head of yours.”

She tries to flick my nose and I swat her hand away half-heartedly.

We’re walking side by side on our way to the lake, which is situated near the monkey area. Her wrist brushes off my hip-bone every now and again, making me shiver involuntarily.

I watch as she tilts her head back while we walk, her loose flaxen curls tumbling down her back, waves rippling through them as they shine in the sunlight. There’s an absent-minded smile on her face, as if she’s so happy in this one moment that it would require more effort to prevent the corners of her lips from lilting upwards than to leave them fall.

It makes me glad, knowing that being with me can put that look on her face.

The rough wooded pathway we’re strolling along suddenly opens into the wide clearing that holds the lake. Climbing over strategically placed rocks and carefully grown grass, we slowly make our way to the lake.

Once we reach it, I plop myself down on my abdomen by the bank, gazing at the water, which is a reflection of the sky blue above it. My favourite colour – the exact same shade as Liz’s eyes.

The woman herself lies down beside me – on her stomach too – resting her head against my shoulder, her fingers running through my fiery hair lazily.

My hum of appreciation comes out as more of a purr.

“I love spending time with you like this, you know. It’s relaxing. Reminds me of summertime when you’re a kid, you know. Just doing nothing but rolling around in the grass and walking to nowhere in particular all day,” she informs me, the expression she’s wearing tells me that – mentally – she is in a different place, a different time.

I yawn, tiredly, snuggling in closer to her.

“What, no reply?” she chides, nudging me, chuckling. “You’re a girl of few words, Red.”

I ignore her and continue to watch as a baby duck leap-frogs its way across the surface of the water, using only lily-pads. Then, I listen to her one-of-a-kind voice as she gushes about how cute it is, cries out when it stumbles off the edge of its green stepping-stones, coos while it’s fawned upon by its mother.

We’re there for most of the day, her talking, me dozing off. Even doing something so simple, so mundane, is fun with Liz. Her company alone is more than I could ever hope to ask for. Her jokes make me snort in amusement, her touch causes my lungs to work faster, trying to pull in the oxygen they need while she’s making it hard for me to breathe. During every single moment, I’m completely happy. Her attention to me has my heart fluttering, a light feeling spreading through my body.

I try to ignore the negative thoughts roiling through my mind in a storm, along with the rain that falls upon my feelings as a result, drenching me with sadness. A bucket of ice-old water effectively quenches the fire Liz’s company kindled. I can’t block out the fact that I’ll never have her. Never hold her. As much as I might wish otherwise, it’s the truth.

I love her.

I only wish I was human, so that I could tell her that.