Zeal

Chapter Nine~

"James can you answer me this?" Zoe asked as we walked around Blue Sky. It was our first time hanging out at her house, hanging out in Blue Sky actually, it reminded me of home actually. The cigarette butts everywhere, the empty and half full liquor bottles on the floor, holes in the wall from different fights. Her stepmom came back home so we had to get out of there before she realized. She doesn't take kindly to new people apparently. "Of course, what's on your mind?" I asked her looking at those beautiful eyes that made me always want to smile. "Would you ever get a tattoo? Or are you too much of a pussy?" She giggled as she slightly pushed me. I started laughing. I always wanted one but I'm 15, I have to wait another three years to even think of getting one. "Hell yea I want to be all tatted out when I'm old enough to get them!" I said with a chuckle. She looked at me with disbelief and let out a laughter that made my heart happy. I think I'm falling in love with her. "Jim come here! You don't need to be 18!" With that she took my hand and lead me into this trailer. "Taylor! Shitface, get your ass over here!" This tall guy came out as he was rubbing his arm. "New one? Alright fine what do you want?" He said with a grumble as he sat in his chair getting everything he needed from under the table where his clients sit. I was in shock as I almost walked right out of the shop in anger. How dare she put me on the spot like that? Maybe I didn't want one yet! However, the other half of me bolted with excitement. I've always wanted one and it would be so cool to get one to show off. So, that one side of me won.

I zoned out at my arm reading those words that will forever be inked in my skin. The words that I didn't think would have such an impact on my life at this moment. I zoned out completely and forgot I was on the Main Street headed to the Lighthouse on my bike. The thing that awoke me from my daze was a loud honk that made my heart leap from my chest. I tried to swerve out of the way but I was too late as the front wheel of my bike bent into the hood of this woman's car. My body flew into the hood then onto the street with a thud. If you were in Bullworth Town these people would try to sue you, get out of their cars and yell at you. However, in Old Bullworth Vale, they could care less. This woman sped off without even thinking twice. 
"Bitch." I grumbled as I stumbled back onto my feet. I grabbed my bike and dragged in to the sidewalk so I could look at it. The front wheel was bent in and couldn't be moved and the handle bars were loose; as I jiggled on the right side it just fell off all together. I worked so hard on this bike, it was the fastest bike in all of Bullworth. I couldn't loose a race to anyone but I guess now I'd have to put a hold on that as well.  The lighthouse was in view as I limped towards it with a sigh.

 When I got in Gary was hooked on the videogame station I had. He didn't even notice I walked in so I went to my bed and dropped my bag and everything in my pockets. I turned my phone off and took of my shirt, I had to check to see if I had any bruising starting or scrapes. I look in the mirror and looked at my arm where the most damage was. I could still read the words that my shitty prison tattoo said even though the arm was so mangled it looked like the skin had been ripped off everywhere except where that tattoo was. I had a big gash on my head, right above my eyebrow. Hopefully i don't have a concussion, but I feel fine. Those were the only places I saw blood even though I hit my knee when I fell, It looked fine.
"Aren't I lucky?" I chuckled to myself as I shook my head. I then took a deep breath and started to check everywhere else.
"Did someone jumped you or something?" I heard Gary say as I look into the mirror and see him a couple feet behind me. He looked concerned yet it seemed he wanted to laugh at the same time. I didn't know if he thought I was stupid and looking for trouble or what. "Seems like Zoe took a beating on ya?" He slightly chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. I put on a weak smile. 
"Nah, not her. Haven't seen or heard from her. No one has seen her apparently not even Pete..." i trailed off. Gary stopped looking at me when I mentioned his name as he turned around and sat on the couch. 
"Come here Moron and tell me what happened. I'll help you check for anymore cuts." He said, motioning his arm so I'd go to him. I turn around and walk to him, he stood up and put his hands on my shoulders to turn me around. His fingers traced my back, searching for anything he could. His fingers were so cold yet felt so good on my hot back. It was over 90 degrees out, how could his fingers feel so cold? I could get used to this, his fingers felt amazing, they just made my back loosen up. My back stopped tensing up as my shoulders dropped and I put my head down. I heard Gary slightly giggle to himself on how relaxed I got.I winced in pain as his fingers went over my right side. 
"Yeah you definitely pulled something. But the only things wrong are the gash on you face." As I turned around he stared for a minute to study my face it seemed. He faintly smiled as his eyes were removed from my direction.  "Anyways, are you going to tell me what happened?" I turned around and sighed and nodded. I walked over to the bar to grab my pack of cigs and a lighter. 
"Follow me." I said as I opened the door. I jumped to see Zoe getting ready to knock on my door, jumping at the same time as me.
"Zoe! Jesus you scared the shit out of me what are you doing here?" As I look back I see Gary duck behind the counter so he wouldn't be seen.
"I got your voicemail...uhm can we talk?" She mumbled. I looked at her to see eyeliner running down her face and her hair messed up in a bun. She looked gone, she looked like she just lost a family member, I felt horrible. This girl really and truly loved me surprisingly enough. I never thought someone would love me so much to break down when she's loosing me. I did care about her and I think I always will so I nodded and started to go outside when she pushed me back inside closing the door behind her. She walked over to the couch and sat down. She'll never change.
"Jesus James what happened?!" She squealed, acting surprised. When I got into that fight with Gary and fell from a fucking building she could care less but oh I fell off my bike and she cares about that.
" I just fell off my bike, nothing big." I sighed as I sat next to her, putting my arms on my legs. "What do you want?" I said as I looked at her. Yet, she wouldn't look at me. She just kept her eyes fixated on my hard wood floor. 
"I heard... uhm." Her voice became hoarse as she tried not to cry. Her eyes became glossy and pink as her face heated up. "You were playing mailbox baseball with..." She took a big, deep breath and then looked at me. "Why? Why would you do that to me?" I sighed and got up off of the couch. 

I still didn't understand why she hated Gary so much. When she was enrolled in Bullworth Gary wasn't even a Freshman yet, she barley knows him. Zoe just hears what's been spreading around the school like how unstable he is and what he's done to everyone. She always told me that she doesn't listen to what people gossip about because when she met me she heard a lot of bad stuff about me and I was her boyfriend now. I figured I better be honest with her, she deserved that much.
"I don't understand why you care so much. It's really not even a big deal." I sighed as I walked to my closet and got out a plain white T-shirt. She scoffed as her eyes become crazy and her smile became wide. 
"Not a big deal?? NOT A BIG DEAL?!" Oh fuck here we go again. I sighed, put on the shirt and sat down and stared at her. She saw the look on my face, the smirk, the eyebrows raised. I didn't care, and she knew that. "Cheating on me isn't a big fucking deal to you? Oh that's nice to know where your priorities lie!" My heart stopped, cheating? Shit do people think me and Gary are a thing? Or did someone misunderstand what they saw. 
"Cheating?" Is all I could utter. I was mind blown but at this point I realized something. I loved her yes, I cared about her yes, but was I in love with her? Did I wasn't to be with her? Nope, truthfully I didn't. So, I'm going to let her think whatever she wanted, I didn't want her in my life anymore. She brought too much suffering, too much heart ache. I mean I couldn't even hold a fucking job while I was with her. "I want my dorm key." I simply said with my hand out. "I don't know what you heard but I'm sick of these fucking games Zoe, I want my key and I want you out of this house." I told her pointing to the door.

She stood in shock, trying to realize if I had cheated on her or if she was given the wrong information. 
"B-but your voicemail, you fucking admitted it!" She told me, trying to make sense of all of this. I shook my head and got up off of the couch. I walked towards her as she studies my face in an expression of mix emotions. 
"Yea well again, you don't listen to me so..." I told her as I went through her pockets as her face started to heat up once again. I took her keys out and found my dorm key. I slowly started to take my key off as I looked at her. "I'm sick of fighting with you. You have never trusted me, you will never trust me and I'll never be happy in this loop of madness." I told her as I put her keys back in her pocket. She didn't want to take no as an answer as she grabbed my wrist that held her keys and pinned me against the wall with a thud. "Zoe what th-" Before I could finish my sentence she crashed her lips onto mine. 

After a few seconds she pulled away and looked into mine, she put her forehead on top of mine and sighed. 
"Jimmy I can't loose you. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have ever believed Davis. Please let me make this right." My heart started to race with anger as that name exited her lips. Fucking Davis?? 
"Davis? The fucking prick who tried to fight me for you? You were going to believe him over your-" I let out an angry chuckle as I shoved her away. 
"Jimmy no please just hear me-" I couldn't listen to the lies and the manipulation any longer. I'm better than this. He's better than this.
"GET OUT ZOE!" I yelled as I opened the door as I looked outside. I couldn't even look at her anymore, I was so furious that I could possibly love someone so cold.

However, she just stared at me with tears in her eyes, shocked that I was acting like this. I was never this angry with her but she just pushed me to the fucking edge. I didn't know if she was scared that I was going to become violent but I was so I couldn't look at her. Her voice, her face, how she stood. We've been together for almost a year. A year of fights, breakups, makeup sex, everything that I didn't need in my life, especially with Gary back. I had to look at her when she wasn't moving towards the door. I sighed angrily as I started to paced to her, she realized I was coming towards her and bolted towards the door with a tiny scream. She slammed the door behind her as I went up and locked it. I sat against the door and put my hands on my face, I felt my eyes start to tear up, not from sadness but from anger. Pure fucking anger was boiling from my stomach all the way up to my face. I got up and yelled as I started punching the wall next to the door. One to two to three punches, it didn't matter how big of the hole it was I couldn't stop.

All of a sudden i heard running behind me as Gary pulled my arm out of the wall and put his hand on my knuckles. It didn't hurt anymore that very second. The stinging went numb and the anger cooled down. Something Zoe could never do, something no one could ever do. 
"Let's talk James. What does Love & Hate mean?" He said looking at my arm.