10 Reasons I Can't ¬ Larry

Journal Entry - 7/15/14 [Final]

Nine cuts done, and one more to go...

I can't believe I'm actually going to end everything.

It's the right thing to do...

Right?

My eyes open up, and the sun pours in from the window. I blink a few times to adjust to the light, and pull myself lazily from my bed. My cuts sting very much, and the blood has dried on my arms. I reach down towards the floor to pick up my journal and pen, and I hold it close to me.

'She doesn't deserve his heart, let us love'

That's something I wrote on my journal. It's about Eleanor and Louis of course, but here's the thing...

Even if he wasn't with her, he'd never even love me. He's the one and only, but I'm not good enough for him.

-

The whole day Harry spent his time slicing cuts on his skin, cursing profanities, and crying into his pillow. Not only that, but also wrecking his room. After all of that was done, he grabbed his journal and pen, and began to write his last journal entry.

7/15/14

Reason 1 

Why can't I learn to be good enough for you Louis?! I know I'm beyond screwed up, but why couldn't you have chosen me...? She's no good for you...

But then again neither am I.

You deserve the best, Louis.

If you ever read this, I just want you to know that I love you.

Harry finished his short journal entry, unable to write anymore. He dropped his pen and journal to the floor, and got up from his bed. Staring at the words "I Quit" he wrote on the wall in red paint, he took out a bottle of pills from his pocket.

"I don't want to live anymore..." He whispered, as he opened the bottle.

Harry poured all of the pills that remained into his hand, and just as he was about to pop them all into his mouth, he heard a voice.

"Harry, don't...!" The voice yelled, barging into the room.

Not just any voice, but Louis' voice.

Harry stopped his actions, and turned around.

"I'm sorry, I have to..." Harry said, holding tightly onto the pills as he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"But I love you..." Louis stated shakily, trying to hold back his tears.

"...I love you too. I always will..." Harry said, as his tears started to fall hard.

"Then don't say goodbye... I need you," Louis sobbed, crashing himself into Harry, hugging him tightly.

That's what Harry wanted to happen...but it didn't. Harry popped the pills into his mouth, and they soon started to take effect. He began to step wearily onto the stool he prepared so he could hang himself. The rope was there, ready for him to take action.

"There are ten reasons why...I can't find the strength to live anymore..." Harry struggled out, sobbing as he grabbed onto the rope.

His vision started to grow weak, as did his strength.

"Not being good enough for you...is one of them..." Harry finished, as he did what he had to do.

-

After Harry had hung himself, Louis tried calling him in hopes that he'd answer. Little did Louis know that Harry was dead.

Louis had this weird feeling...

This weird feeling that something was really off with Harry this time, so he drove to the house. The house they once shared together. The house that has nothing but Harry's pain deep within it now.

Louis stepped out of his car in a rush, and remembering he didn't have a key anymore, he kept kicking the door. Ten hard kicks later, it finally flew open.

"Harry!! Where are you?! I know you're upset and going through a lot, but please answer me!!" Louis shouted desperately, running up the stairs.

Once he made it to Harry's room, he wasted no time opening the door.

"No!!" Louis shouted, looking at Harry's hanging and dead body.

"Why, Harry?!! Why did you do this...?!" Louis cried out, grabbing harshly onto his hair as he made his way into the room.

He could feel it.

All of Harry's pain and suffering lingering throughout the room. Louis sobbed excessively, trying to breathe. Sobbing even more, he started hyperventilating the more he stared at Harry's dead body.

"...Why?!!" Louis screamed in the middle of his rough breathing, and unstable crying.

Louis lowered his head down, and saw Harry's journal on the floor. He picked it up, and began reading while crying and breathing hard.

Once Louis got to the last reason Harry wrote down, he lost it. He started screaming and crying, wishing that he could have prevented this.

"You were supposed to wait, Harry!! I loved you so fucking much!!" Louis sobbed out, falling to the floor with his hands over his face.

"It was never Eleanor... It was always you..." Louis cried.

-

After Harry's death, Louis slipped hard into depression. He couldn't get it out of his head that he was one of the reasons Harry wasn't here anymore. Not only was he one of them, but he was the main one. Months went by, and one panic attack after another, Louis couldn't take it anymore.

"I love you Harry... I'm sorry for everything..."

Were Louis' last words as he jumped to a painful death.