10 Reasons I Can't ¬ Larry

Journal Entry - 7/14/14

7/14/14

Reason 2

I hate myself.

There.

I said it.

I can't stand the way I walk. The way I talk.

The way I even exist.

Everything.

I get in the way of everything and everyone. Without me people's lives would be better. There wouldn't be as much drama or anything.

Just peace.

In a world with no Harry Styles...

Sounds like something many people would just love.

I bet Louis most of all wouldn't mind a life without me involved...

Pretty soon my existence won't be in the way.

As I slammed my journal and look out the window, the sun started to rise. Tears started to form in my eyes, and I began to think about my ending.

My existence ends tomorrow.

I get off of my cold bed, letting my journal and pen fall to the floor. Stuffing my hands in my hoodie, I take out my shiny little blade.

"I haven't used you in a while..." I mumbled, heading into my bathroom.

I close the door slowly, walk over to the mirror, and stare at my reflection.

Wet eyes...

Puffy eyes...

Swollen eyes...

Empty eyes...

There's nothing left inside of my soul anymore.

Nothing but emptiness.

One journal entry left to do...

After that, I'm done.

"It'll be time to say goodbye..." I sobbed out, as I sliced the blade over my wrist.

Giving myself nine cuts in honor of the nine reasons I have written down, my phone rang from my pocket. I dropped the bloody blade into the sink, and stood there for a moment. The phone still continued to ring, and I took it out. As I did so, my cuts were dripping blood on the floor and on my clothes. Ignoring that, I answered my phone.

"What..." I whispered weakly.

"Harry..." Louis whispered from the other end.

What could he even want...?!

"I said what?!"

"...Uhm, how are you? How have you been holding up lately?" He asked hesitantly.

"How have I been holding up...?!" I yelled.

"Are you really asking me that?! If you wanted to know so fucking badly you would have came here instead of giving me some pathetic as fuck phone call!!" I shouted into the phone.

"Harry, I-"

I interrupted Louis' sentence by ending the call.

"I'm so horrible," I choked out in the middle of my cries.

-

After sitting in the bathroom for hours, watching the blood pour from my cuts, I called Louis.

"I'm fine..." I whispered once he answered.

After I said that one line, I hung up the phone.