Letters From Afghanistan

Letters From Afghanistan - Chapter 5

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Huge thanks to lozmonster766 for making the beautiful cover for me. Isn't it great? she also did the pic on the side :)

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“Haley! Are you even listening to me?”

I blinked at Lisa sitting across the table from me. “Sorry?”

 “I was asking if you wanted to come for a drink down Rizzo’s with the girls Friday night.”

I was about to make up an excuse as usual, when I stopped myself.  You can’t expect them to know how you feel if you don’t tell them. Chase’s words replayed in my mind and I found myself accepting her offer before I could talk myself out of it. The look of shock on her face mirrored my own emotions.

The last time I went drinking was little over a year ago. Just after Chris’s death. I’d met up with Lisa and my other friends since then, but they were always for a coffee or lunch. That didn’t mean they stopped asking and trying to persuade me though, but my response would always be the same. A flat out no, before I could even consider thinking otherwise.

As much as I’d like it to, drinking didn’t take all my problems away, maybe temporarily but never enough to make me happy in the long run. I’d only end up in even more pain in the morning. When Chase suggested I open up to them more, I didn’t think much of it until now.

He said Chris would want me to be happy and move on with my life, and I know that he’s right. I’ve always been shutting my friends out because I thought they wouldn’t understand nor be able to help me. But I haven’t even given them a try.

 I know it’s crazy to take the advice of a guy when we’ve only talked through a couple of letters, but I can’t deny the connection I feel with him. He really is the last link I have with Chris, and I wasn’t going to let that slip away so easily.

Besides, what he said is true. Chris wouldn’t want me to wallow in my own self-pity, and to sacrifice my own life and dreams just because of what happened to him. I needed to find closure to ease my grief, and writing to Chase and completing Chris’ list seems like the ideal thing for it.

I just hope I haven’t left it too late to resolve my friendship with the girls.  But just knowing that they’ve continued to be there for me even when I’d been reclusive and depressed makes me feel more confident in my relationship with them.

I knew that they aren’t the type of friends to leave me just because I haven’t been the best friend to them over the past year but I still couldn’t stop my own fears of them abandoning me. I pushed the irrational thoughts away. Chase was right after all, I shouldn’t let my fears take over my life.

After my coffee with Lisa, I returned home in the hopes of taking Jasper for a long walk but the typical British weather had it in for me. With the rain pouring outside, I knew it’d be a while before I could go outside.