| Satellite | j.t

| two |

••Magnolia's Pov••

I press my back against the bathroom wall and slowly slide down to the floor, feeling the tears rush out. This was an every morning routine. Every hour before everyone woke up, I'd go to the bathroom, cry my eyes out, and if I felt absolutely horrible, I'd end up cutting to ease the terrible feeling. Which is what happened this morning. "You're such a fucking mess, Maggie" I cry softly, pressing my forehead into my knees as I pull them to my chest. I look down at my phone to check the time: 5:48am. Uncle Wes was going to be up soon for work and so was Aunt Bev. I push myself to my feet slowly, my arms trembling beneath me. I grab my razor and wash it off, along with my arm where the three long cuts were, before tucking the razor back into the loose part of the wall underneath the mirror. I look around to make sure that I'm not forgetting anything before I run out of the bathroom and back down the hall to my room, slowly shutting the door. I look through my closet for my favorite sweater and quickly slip it on, immediately hiding the cuts that had finally stopped bleeding. I could hear the shower start to run, signalling that someone was awake and that I wasn't the only one. I decide to go ahead and finish getting dressed, so I wouldn't have to worry about it later. I slip on a pair of ripped denim jeans and pull my hair to the side before braiding it. I look at my reflection in the mirror, the small dark shadows under my eyes making me shutter at the sight. Memories flood back to me of how it all started. The anorexia, the depression, the self harm. It all comes flooding back.
~~

"Why can't you be more like your fucking sister! Make something of yourself, other than a worthless piece of shit!" my Mom yells, throwing her hands in the air as she paces the kitchen. This was the fourth time she had lashed out at me today, and I know that it wasn't going to be the last. She'd been on edge ever since father left and took our younger brother, Marcus, with him back to Scotland. Who could blame him, all Mom did was lash out at him for no reason and beat Marcus every chance she got all because he wasn't her's. Marcus was the "love child" from Dad's secret affair that he had a few years ago. "I'm not Rachelle, Mom! I'm my own person!" I yell back angrily. "Well then quit being such a fucking disappointment!" she snaps, making my mouth fall open as tears formed. I turn and run up to the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it behind me, digging through the medicine cabinet for something to ease the pain. All that was there were Rachelle's anxiety meds and an antibiotic that I was perscribed months ago when I had phenumonia. I open both bottles and dump the contents on the sink, counting the pills from each bottle. Six from Rachelle's and four from mine. Scraping them off the counter and into my palm, I fill the small cap of the mouthwash up with water and toss them all into my mouth. I wanted out of here. I wanted this pain to stop. I wanted to be numb. I crawl into the tub and pull my knees to my chest, waiting for the pills to take effect. Please kill me, I think to myself.

~~
It was then that everything started. The pills didn't work, so I had to find some way to cope, a way to ease my pain. That's when the anorexia took over. I skipped big meals, only eating small things when I had to take my medication. Mom sent me to therapy and to a counselor at school. Shortly after that, she killed herself. That's when Rachelle and I moved here to Long-Beach to live with Aunt Bev and Uncle Wes. Raelynn, being only five at the time, didn't understand why I took so many meds or why I went away for hours at a time to go to therapy. I'm four years older than her, so I was only nine when all of it started. When Rachelle and I started at Ridgeway, I met the girls, the ones that I thought I could call my friends. We were so close, Perrie and I out of everyone. But, once we started ninth grade, the group started hanging out without me. One time, I overheard Ashley telling Perrie that I was a burden to the group, that she needed to get rid of me. Since then, they've kept me around, but they're distant. I'm never invited to hang out or rarely ever talked to. I'm just a back-up, a lonely shadow. The only person I had was Rachelle and even she rarely spoke to me. She was always with her own friends or Luke. I was on my own. But, I was used to it.

a/n: enjoyyyy my loves! 💜