Saving Lila (cancelled)

Chapter 9

Chapter 9: 

"Is that all officers?" I ask quickly. MY breaths were now coming in quick pants, it was getting harder and harder to breathe. 

"Mr. Lankis will be visiting sometime soon to go over your parents' will. I'm very sorry for your loss ma'am." The officer said before turning and walking back to his car.

In the corner of my eye, I was able to see Ryder and Amy. They heard all of it, and at that moment all I received were their sympathetic looks. They were sorry for me, and the tears in Amy's eyes made me break down. It actually seemed as though she cared.

Not able to look at them anymore, I turned on my heel and rushed back into my house, slamming the door shut behind me. 

It was quiet as I stood there, deathly quiet. There was no clashing and clanging of my mother's pans as she cooked. There was no cheering and yelling coming from my father as he watched football in the living room. 

There was nothing, only silence. It was then that all these feelings came crashing down on me. They were gone, they were actually gone, and they weren't coming back. 

My hand rose to cover my mouth as choked sobs began to pour out. I felt as though my heart was just snatched from my chest, and someone began to stomp and beat it. I never thought that I could get any sadder, but once again I was proven wrong. 

I could hear footsteps coming from my porch, most likely Amy and Rider. I could hear then calling for me, pounding on the door that I have been using to support my body, but it wasn't enough. 

My knees buckled from underneath me and I came crashing to the floor. 

I think Ryder head the loud bang of my body hitting the ground because he only began to smack the door harder, yelling for me.

I don’t understand why they would stay, I'm a pathetic little orphan now. 

I was an orphan. My parents were gone. 

Even though my parents and I had pulled apart over the years and they never really understood me, I still loved them. I loved how my mother’s eyes twinkled as she looked lovingly at my father. I loved how both of them loved me, and they both always cared so much for me.

I pushed them away, that’s all I could think about. 

They died, and I didn't say goodbye, I didn't tell them I loved them. I broke down even more when I realized that I didn't even remember what my last words to them were. 

Mom and dad were actually gone. They left me, they left me just like Emma. 

I must have done something wrong in my lifetime, I had to have done something because otherwise all this wouldn't have happened to me.

It's all my fault, I did this to them, it's all my fault.

The pounding of the door, and the frantic calls of Ryder and Amy were never ending. Why don't they just leave me alone? 

Forcing my tears to stop, I wipe away the evidence, and I put on an emotionless mask. 

Getting up from the floor, I take a few deep breaths before opening the door. 

"Yes?" I snap, looking at them with a bored expression.

Amy and Ryder stand there, looking at me with sad eyes. I don't need their pity, nobody should pity me. It's my fault they are all dead. I'm a murderer.

"Oh Lila I'm so sorry! You don't deserve any of this! Oh I'm sorry!" Amy yells, pulling me into a crushing hug, one in which I stand completely still and tense, not returning her hug.

When she finally realizes my cold behavior, she takes a step back and looks at me with a confused and hurt look.

"Is that all? I don't know what your fuss is about I'm fine." I tell them both and lean against the doorframe.

Amy gasps, looking at me with a flabbergasted expression, and all the while Ryder just stands there, looking at me, studying me. It won’t work though, he won’t find me out, and practice has helped me with that.

"If that's all, goodbye." I tell them before slamming the door in their faces.

I lean against the door, more tears starting to stream down my face once again. I could hear one set of feet, rushing off, but it was only one pair. Someone was still out there.

After a few moments of silence, nothing but the sounds of my muffled sobs filled the air, but then all of a sudden footsteps began approaching the door, and then they stopped.

I could hear a sigh from the other side of the door, and then they began talking. 

"Lila, I know you are hurting. You just experienced the death of two people you love very much. You don’t have to shut us out, we are here for you Lila. Amy and I care about you, and I know you need time to heal, but don't shut us out. We are here for you, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Amy and I, we are going home, only to pack our things and then we are coming straight here. We both don’t want you to go through this alone, you need us Lila, I can hear your sobs, and I know you are hurting. We will be back around an hour or so, we care about you Lila, and we will be back soon." Ryder speaks through the door.

What he says only makes me cry louder and louder. I don't want the two of them to see me like this, I've been alone for too long, and I don't want the two of them to think I'm an even bigger freak. They don’t understand, nobody does. 

It was my fault they are dead, it is all my fault. I'm a murderer. 

I should die for what I have caused.

I should die.

And I have one hour, just one hour to try before they find my body.

I should die, and I will die.

I'll make sure of it.