Alone

Unspoken

I sat on my window seat staring out of my window, while hugging a throw pillow. My eyes were puffy from crying, and my cheeks wet and sticky with tears. My dad never came to see if I was okay. Maybe that's what's bothering me. Or it might be the fact I can't hear anyone anymore. My hands were shaking with fear, what am I supposed to do now? I twirled my hair with my fingers, this is what I do when I get nervous. All of a sudden I feel a hand on my shoulder, it was cold and shaky like mine is. I looked up, hoping it was dad, but it was mom with a fake smile on her face. I knew it was fake because that's the only smile she knows how to do. She motioned her arms to my desk, so I got up and sat in my chair. She took out different pamphlets and sprawled them out in front of me. They were sign language classes. She took out a note and laid that in front of me as well. It said:

Honey, these are sign language classes. You need to choose one so that you can go back to school as soon as possible. There, you'll have to have an instructor who will sign what your teacher says to you. This is as hard for you to go through as it is for me.

I looked up at her, stood up and ran out of my room as fast as I could. I sprinted into the master bathroom, locked the door. I sat leaning against the door, crying, once again. What will everyone think of me? They'll probably say worse things than before now that I can't hear their insults. I just sat there thinking about life for the next 2 hours. From time to time, mom came over and banged on the door, probably saying things to get me out, forgetting that I couldn't hear her. Soon I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I took a washcloth out from under the sink, and turned on the hot water. I kept my hands under the stifling water. I soon found out I didn't lose my sense of touch, because the water was burning my hands. I didn't care though. I removed the cloth and turned off the sink, and washed my face. My mascara was running down my face and my eyeliner was draped along my cheekbones. I washed it all off to see my pale white skin. I looked sickly. I opened the door and stepped out, almost being run over by mom. She made it pretty obvious that  she was wait for me to come out. She grabbed my hands and led me to the kitchen. A beautiful dinner was spread out on the table. I walked over and sat in my chair, grabbing a fork and knife plunging it into a chicken breast. My mom watched me as I shoveled food into my mouth. She laid the cloth napkin on her lap and picked up her spoon, scooping up her chicken and gnocchi soup. This was yet another quiet dinner, not because we had nothing to say, because I had a million things on my mind, but because we both couldn't talk. When I finished I put my plate back into the sink and went back into my room to sulk some more.

The next day my mom came into my room and rested her hand on my back to wake me up. I looked up at her and she held up another sign. Man, I'm getting tired of her notes. It said that I was going to a sign language class in an hour. I rolled my eyes at her and piled myself under my covers. She ripped the covers off my and she sat there pointing at yet, another sign that said "Please". Tears were strewn across her face. I sighed and got up out of my bed and shooed her out of my room so that I could get dressed. I chose a navy striped sailors shirt with a dark blue blazer with gold accents, with a pair of skinny jeans and red Keds. I fancied up my long brown locks, meaning I did a thorough comb through. I also decided to put on some mascara and some light brown eye shadow. I grabbed my Prada purse and opened my door. I grabbed my black sunglasses and met my mom at the door. She looked into my eyes, or sunglasses, and took my hand. She gave me a worried look and we both exited the house. The building of the school was big and unwelcoming. The halls were made of gray concrete, and the floors made of white tile. There was a lot of windows though, and it had a beautiful courtyard that was filled with teens talking with their hands. I stared at them as I walked down the hall, one of the girls saw me and waved at me with a lot of excitement. Mom and I entered a classroom with a lot of posters of hands and facial expressions. A woman with a name tag that said Marcy on it walked up to my mom with a wide grinned smile and shook her hand. There sure is a lot of smiling around here. She signed something to me and I just gave her a blank stare. I put my sunglasses on the top of my head and squinted my eyes. Marcy clapped her hands and laughed again, she's really enthusiastic. She waved her hands over a chair, telling me to sit down. I leaned back in the chair and she started to sign again. Does she not get that I have no idea what she is saying? I started to get really frustrated. She kept signing things, it was like she expected me to know this all already. She stopped and and got up out of her chair. She wheeled a huge box t.v. over to me and slipped in a DVD. it film was at least from the 80s because everyone was dressed in ugly neon sweaters with baggy red pants. Don't even get me started on their hairstyles. The movie had kids signing different things with captions telling me what they were saying. I sat there for about an hour learning the language, and I have to say it was really interesting. I already learned a few conversations, and after I talked to my mom as best I could. I have to say, I was pretty impressed on my progress. When it was time to go she gave me four more DVDs. She wrote me a note saying that I needed to study these for the next time I come back, which was in four days. I signed her "Thank you" and mom and I exited the classroom. We walked down the depressing hallway again, to see the teenagers from the court yard in the lobby. They all stared at me with wide smiles waving at me. they signed goodbye and I signed it back. That was the first time I smiled in a long time.

When we got home I hopped out of the car and grabbed my keys. Mom stopped me and shook her head no. I looked around for a pen and a piece of paper and wrote her my own note. I just want to go to the library to look for sign language books. She sighed and nodded after a little while of "swaying her options" I jumped into my car and turned on the ignition. My car was clean, Martha our maid must have clean it for me. I pulled out of my garage and turned into the road. It felt nice to be free, it also felt nice to drive in a clean car. When I went through town I saw people hanging out with their friends, laughing and smiling. You have no idea how much I want that. The only "friend" I have right now is my mom. She's just there because she's my mom, if she didn't feel obligated to stay with me, I think she would leave me too.

 I looked through the stacks of language books and came across a few American Sign Language books. I dropped them on the sign out desk and went on my way. I walked to my car and set them in the passenger seat. I pulled out of the driveway and set off onto the road. I went about a mile or two when I felt the vibrations of my phone buzzing in my purse, I grabbed it and shuffled around. I finally got a hold of it and looked back up on the road. I clicked the power button and looked through my pages for my text. I looked back up to the road to see that I was passing through an intersection. It must have been a red light, because a huge truck banged into my car. I was out cold.