Angel Kisses

Promise

(A/N) So far so good? .x

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*3 months later*

Dear Journal,  Its been 3 months. I feel like I should be a little better, but im getting worse and worse by the day. My arms are covered in scars. I dont do it for the attention. I dont do it because other people do it. I do it because it's the only thing I have control over. My mom and brother were ripped from my life completely and I had no say in it. For now i've been living with one of my bestfriends Ashton and his bandmates in California for about 1 month . Theyre on break from their recent tour and said I can stay with them since theyre 18+. Only one more day until im 18. Lets get through today.

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Ashton and the boys were in the basement recording for their album as I sat on the bathroom floor. I stared at the razor. The blade sings to me. Faintly, so soft against my ears, its voice calms my worries and tells me that one touch will take it all away. It tells me that I just need to slide a long horizontal cut, and make a clean slice. It tells me the words that I have been begging to hear: this will make it ok. I turn away from the razor  and  look at my scars and see something else: a girl who was trying to cope with something horrible that she should never have had to live through at all. My scars show pain and suffering, but they also show my will to survive. They're part of my history that'll always be there. I promised Ash that I would stop, but I can't. I can feel the hurt. There's something good about it. Mostly it makes me stop remembering. Reminds me that i'm alive. I make the first cut razor thin, a gentle kiss on non-virgin skin. A second cut deep and thick, a reminder that people think i'm sick. I watch the blood drip to the floor but before I can continue  I hear the boys come up the stairs. Without looking back I run to my room not making a sound, I didnt even make an attempt to clean the mess. I walk in my room grab an old t-shirt and wrap it around my arm to stop the bleeding. I then lay on my bed and wait for sleep to take me but it never does. I lay there and think about my mom, about my little brother. I always tell my self that they were Gods angels, and it was time for him to take back his gifts. Like a child sharing his toys, but eventually taking them back as well. Interupting my thoughts I hear a knock on the door.

"Mariah.....I need to talk to you" He says , I can tell his voice is shaky.

"Um, one minute" I say glancing at my arm to make sure it wasnt still bleeding. I threw the bloody t-shirt in the waste bin and put on a light sweater. I walk over to the door and open it.

*Ashtons Pov*

As soon as me and the boys finished recording "Kiss Me, Kiss Me" for our new album we went upstairs for a break. Luke ran to the downstairs bathroom so I had to go to the upstairs one. As soon as I walked in all I saw was blood. Blood on the floor, blood on the handle, and a blood covered razor next to the sink. It didn't take me long to figure out what happened and for the water works to come. I stood there crying for a while until I decided I had to go talk to her. She promised she wouldnt do it again so I had to figure out what was going through her mind. I first cleaned the mess up so none of the other lads could see it, and then headed to her room.

"Mariah.....I need to talk to you" I said lightly knocking on the door.

"Um, one minute" I hear her respond. As I sit there and wait for about one minute tryna keep my cool , I hear her footsteps come closer to the door and the next thing I know its open. I slowly walk in towards her and engulf her in a hug. I can't control the flood of tears coming out my eyes. I dont want her to hurt herself. She's like a litte sister to me.

"You y-you promised Mariah" I said my voice shaky

"I know i'm sorry" she says like always, starting to cry as well.

"I hate  that you hurt your self, everytime you do it feels like a stab in the stomach and I dont know what I can do! I feel so helpless... " I tell her

"I know Ash , i'm sorry its just that I dont know what to do anymore, it's the only thing I have control over. Its not your fault you don't need to fix me " She whispers

"I understand, just promise me never ever again" That was a lie. I dont get her cutting at all. She'd done it sporadically, ever since the accident and it scared me to death each time. Other times she'd try to explain it to me, how she didn't want to die - she just needed to get it out somehow. She felt so much emotionally, she would say, that a physical outlet - physical pain - was the only way to make her internal pain go away. It was the only way she could control it.

"Never again" She says. I smile and hug her tight and invite her downstairs to get something to eat since it was around dinner time. She agreeded and we walked  down the stairs to the rest of the boys.

"What do you guys want to eat?" I asked

"PIZAA" Luke Screamed. Everyone decided that was the best idea and we ordered it. The next thing I knew the doorbell rang. No one made an effort to try and get it so I of course when and got it. I opened the door and as soon as I do a little mop of black hair walks through and yells, "Mariah!". Allyson is here. Allyson is Mariahs bestfriend since 5yrs of age and mine since 8th grade . We all basically grew up together so theyre like my little sisters since theyre 2 years younger than me.

"Oh Hey butt face, is it ok if some people come over? " she says grining and giving me a quick hug. I nod my head and chuckle Walkinh  into the living room with her.

"Where's Mariah? " She asks.

"I think she went downstairs " Luke told her. She turns back around and just as shes about to head downstairs she turns around looking at me.  A pained questioning  look acorss her face. I can tell she's wondering  if Mariahs  ok,  and or if she's done it again. I sadly nod and she slowly started to go to her. 

*Allyson's POV *

When Ash nodded his head my heart sunk, and I felt like I was slapped in the face.  The mental pain was no different from every time I found out but it still hurt.It hurt to know my sister was hurting.  Internally hurting and hurting herself physically. I dont know what to do anymore. I can talk to her like everytime but I know she'll just tell me she wont do it again and eventually just do it again! I walk down there but shes no where in sight. I then hear the faint sound of someone playing the guitar . Peeking around the corner I see my bestfriend sitting there playing Luke's guitar. I start clapping as she finishes the song and she freaks out.

"WHAT THE FU- You scared me you hoe !  I thought I was the only one down here!" she yells at me.

"Well obviously you're not Im here little one!  Bow down to me!" I say giggling attacking her in a hug.   

"how about no " she tells me hugging me back.

"So I have good news! " I say

"Im listening " she replys

"Well ......I found a nicer place to live and I really want you to come live with me! Will you? " I tell her.

"ahhhhh yes! " she screams. Smiling for the first time ive seen in a while.

"The funny thing is, is that the place is like a block away from here " I laugh and she smiles. 

"Also, dont kill me but.... uh" I start

"Allyson Espinosa tell me " she says strictly

"Well.... um when I was at work the other day I met this group of guys and...."I get interrupted

"Go on " she says

"TheyreSuperNiceandCuteandTheyDoYoutubevideosandIhaveacrushontheonenamedConnor" I say as quickly as possible

"Oh, when can I meet them?" She asks

"Um......funny story-" I start but the doorbell rings. "They're here".

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(A/N) Vote & Comment!  Sorry if its short and or sucks! .x