The Letters I'll Never Send

The first letter.

Dear Ed,

This is the first letter I write to you, the first of what I think would be more that hundreds, but don't worry, you'll never receive them. This, is just for my heart, for it to have a break of what it feels, that can't be know by humans. Because they'll never understand this feeling, for a simple reason: love was not made for understanding or studying it, it was made for feeling it. That's something humans will never understand, because the things we don't know, or that we can't understand, make us afraid of it.

So I'll start.

Here I am, yes, the girl that can't forget you, the girl that used to be your "princess", "darling", "Beauty", "love", or my favorite nickname -the cutest one-: "Water Rose", the sign of all the letters I'll write but I'll never send. Do you remember why you decided to call me like that? well, I do. We were talking about water and those unbelievable photos professional photographers take, then you thought it will be an awesome idea to give me a water rose, because it seems impossible to take a picture like that, more to give me a real one. Your exact words were: "When you think about a water rose, you think that it's impossible but awesome the idea of how they made it. You're like that. I'm still asking myself, how can you exist when you seem impossible?, when your way of being and acting is incredible, I can't realized someone can be like that, and you are so beautiful, as a water rose should be".
So now, that we make clear the reason of the letters and the sign, I'll free my heart, even thou is just for a while.

You could be my life, but you chose to be moments, good moments, actually maybe the best moments of my short life.
I miss you! And I love you! I miss to tell you every day that I love you.

All the times we talked and we were together. It was like if I was in paradise.
You made me the happiest person on the world. Now I see that for the moment, we're not meant to be together. But I can't stop thinking and hoping that someday we can finally be together, forever.
We were so close to be everything. Now, we are so far to be something.
And it seems like it didn't take you too long forgetting everything we passed through. Guess that I'll need more than a year. Maybe the rest of my life to be happy. Totally happy.
There's no day that I don't think why we couldn't be together. Thinking "and what if I..." But the could have does not exist.
The sun can't shine in my world, there's no reason to be happy, who is going to remind me which world is real? Who is going to make me realize that reality is better than the book's world?

The problem is not that you don't love me any more, the problem is that I still love you.
Before I met you, I didn't want to fall in love, to some point, I didn't believe in love. But when I met you, love was everywhere I looked.
You were the only light in my life, that's why I want you back. My life is just like darkness without you, I know that I might change my opinion in the future, but now all I want is you. I know that maybe tomorrow the sun will shine, that you might not be the one, that I will find someone that loves me for eternity, but for now I can only think about the pain, love hurts, and I prefer death.

I'm not asking you to love me again, but maybe just to get out of my heart, out of my head. You know, life is like this: sometimes is pink, sometimes is black; sometimes you're love back, sometimes you're not; sometimes is happy and sometimes is sad; but it's always going to be painful.
You can choose either to love me again, or to get out of my head, but please choose now, because I feel like dying inside.
Because we were so close to be everything, now, so far to be something. I can't understand what I did bad. If I could change something in the past to be happy again, I'ld do it.

Please, make a decision.

Yours, Water Rose.