A Home Among the Stars (EDITING NEW VERSION TO BE POSTED)

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The cold desert wind blew through my hair, blowing random strands into my face. Dressed completely in black, i was standing on the hill overlooking the cabins. He was there, sleeping peacefully in one of them, oblivious to what was about to happen.

Quickly and as quietly as I could, i slid down the rugged hill on my back. I paused for a moment, but only to check that no one had heard the soft rustle of the sand. Then, i crept to the door of one of the cabins and opened if softly, just wide enough for me to slip through.

Still no one moved. I checked every sleeping face of the cabin members, passing each that did not belong to him.

Erik Lesner.

The one that had ruined everything, taken away everyone I cared about.

I continued to pass bunk after bunk, but none were who I was looking for. Then, there he was.

His face was at peace, with a soft expression. I almost didn't recognize him with that innocent look on his face. When awake, Erik's face would always be contorted into a harsh scowl. He was crude, crass, insensitive, and sometimes downright rude.

But now, in sleep, none of those were present. I hesitated, maybe I shouldn’t...

No. I had to do this, for everything he had taken away.

Without another moment's pause, i pulled the needle from my pocket and stabbed it into Erik's neck. He jolted upwards, wide awake. The drug, however, was already taking affect. He tried to call out, but just as I had suspected, he could not. Slowly, his jerking motions became slower and calmer, until he was still.

You could have believed he was still asleep but for the frightened look now on his face. I silently pulled Erik from his bed and dragged his now paralyzed body through the sand. It was tiresome and took me quite awhile, but finally i had made it to the spot which I had previously picked out for my mission.

The drug had not yet worn off, so I sat in the sand, catching my breath and waiting.

Why didn't I just do it now? Why wait until he could feel the pain? Why wait to commit murder?

The answer, I realized, was really quite simple. Erik ruined my life, took away the only people I cared about. I wanted to watch him suffer, listen to his cries for mercy, listen to his screams of pain and agony, just as he had once done to me.

He deserved it.

I almost lost my nerve to kill him when Erik began to move. Slowly he sat up, rubbing his neck at the spot where I injected him. The glare he was throwing me was sinister though.

That's what set me off. Erik was looking at me like I had done something wrong. Like I was the one who had killed Brian, Katie, Zach, or Robyn. Like I was to blame.

It was his fault.

With a renowned anger, I pulled the knife from my back pocket and flung myself at him,  successfully stabbing his abdomen. He cried out in pain, but began to fight me off. One punch to my cheek and one foot behind my left leg was all he needed.

Before I knew it, we had switched places. Erik was now on top of me, holding the knife to my bare throat.

I stared up in disbelief. This wasn't the plan. I was supposed to kill him, plain and simple. This was not supposed to be a battle in which he would have the upper hand at some point. He wasn't supposed to kill me.

But maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Then I could join Brian and we could finally have the happily ever after we had be hoping for, wishing for. I could finally have a proper friendship with Robyn and spend some quality time with Zach. I could be the mom the Katie needed. The thought made me smile a little. I closed my eyes and waited for the end to come. The joyous end. I wouldn't have to deal with anything. No survival, no people counting on me, no leadership, no loneliness.

The end never came however. We just sat in the sand as the wind chilled me through my thin black clothing.

I opened my eyes to find Erik staring at me, an odd expression on his face, as if he couldn't believe this was actually me. Suddenly, he leaned down and placed his lips over mine.

First, I felt shock. Then, that shock bubbled into anger.

He killed the man I loved and then had the nerve to kiss me? I saw red. Kicking out, I knocked Erik off of me. Swiftly, I grabbed the knife and plunged it deep into his heart, where mine had been hurting for so long. The color drained out of Erik's face as he realized what just happened. He looked up at me, sorrow in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, before his eyes went blank.

Erik Lesner was dead.

And I had killed him.

A wave of guilt and remorse washed over me. I killed someone. Maybe he didn't really deserve it either. Could it have really been his entire fault that Brian was dead? And could he have really meant it when he said he was sorry?

I would never find out.

Quietly, I trudged back to the apartment building. There was no one there to welcome me, only the dark silence of the night. Not even Chris was there. He was gone, not seen since he left me on the roof that night. I flung myself on my bed and tried to erase the image of Erik’s dead figure from my head. I couldn’t though. Just like I couldn’t forget Brian’s eyes, or Katie’s small hand in mine, or Zach’s playful smile or Robyn’s peppy personality. They were all permanently etched in my brain, and they would never leave me alone. Things were never going to be the same without them. Who was I going to turn to? There was no one left. No one who knew me or even cared about me. So what was I going to do now?

Having no answer, I fell asleep.

**********

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Everyone said I was strong. Everyone said I would make it through this.

But all of this. All of this death, destruction, pain. It’s killed me.

Slowly, beginning with the death of my parents, the world and all its hurt ate away at my supposed strength. Piece by piece, it broke me. Taking away everything I loved and proved everything I believed in wrong. How was I supposed to survive that?

So here I am, staring at the small white pills in my hand. A small doubt was still there. Was this really the only option?

Yes it is, that’s why I’m doing it.

And so I downed them quickly with the bottle of vodka in my other hand. My throat burned as the liquid slid down my throat. But now there would be no more pain. Now there would be no more hopelessness. And no more loneliness. A small smile formed on my face just like it did when I thought Erik was going to kill me. It was all over.

Soon, my eyes fluttered closed and I found my own home among the stars, with the people I loved.

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And thats the end.

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