Rain On Me

Everything Feels Like A Dream.

“Everything feels like a dream. You know that feeling where you can’t quite decide what is real and what’s a dream. Everything is hazy, blurry and you don’t seem to notice time going past. Things you only imagined could happen in your wildest dreams or worst nightmares.

I had that feeling. The feeling of not quite knowing what was happening and yet understanding completely. It felt like a déjà vu, like I had known it was going to happen even before I did. And I led myself there, knowing it would be better off for everyone else if I just disappeared and lay low.

If only things were so easy, I had it all planned out- make them hate you, act like the victim and run. They would feel accomplished at bringing yet another girl to her knees, I would be free of theirs commands and could run off with the one I loved and be happy. Nothing’s that easy. People are vain and selfish and care not for one another’s hearts. If the greedy man wants it to be done then it shall be done, no questions asked. The fair maiden won’t get to ride out into the sunset with her knight in shining armour, because the knight is an ass. The bad guy won’t die because he is a geeky heartthrob that makes everyone who looks at him automatically take his side no matter the good side’s case. The betrayers won’t get what’s coming to them because they are spoiled, vain teenage girls who destroy each other because of jealousy…”

I slam my pen down, frustration seeping out my every pore. Yet again my versions of appearance and reality are getting confused in my head- I sit down to write a fantasy novel and end up twisting it with my life story. I am so messed up! Why can’t I get my head straightened out and just achieve something that someone will actually believe…

Ok here’s what I’m going to do, I’ll write all my thoughts out on paper and see where they lead me, if they lead me anywhere that’s sane.

Rain- I’ve had a lot of important experiences that have involved rain. The time I had a mud fight with a French Scout in Belgium, the time my first crush led us to shelter in his den where he had never taken a girl before… the list is endless- it’s Scotland, it rains a lot. Although the most memorable time is when I was heartbroken, ran out onto the street being chased by the guy I used to love, begging the sky to rain on me so he wouldn’t see the hurt I was feeling.

Sucker for love stories? Well here is my extremely messed up one. Welcome to the life of Willow J. Ever wished for sun and never got, well I always hope for rain, let’s hope it gets here in time to save me.