Things We Said Today

Chapter 1 - 12 July 1968

12th July 1968

Jane stared down, in mounting horror, at the swirling contents of her stomach making its way down the drain. She gently manipulated her large emerald engagement ring between her thumb and forefinger, before slowly looking down at the small, but just notable protrusion between her hips, only visible because she was in her underwear.

'God!' Jane groaned, as she gently rested her head on the wall next to the toilet, 'what in heavens am I going to do?'

At first she hadn't wanted to accept it, but the simple fact was that not only was this the second period she'd missed, but she had been throwing up every morning for the last week, and after not eating anything yesterday, she could no longer blame it on food poisoning.

She didn't know what to do, here she was in Bristol on an acting assignment no less which she couldn't just up and leave for a baby - a career she'd worked so hard to achieve, through years of toil, and being told she could only be famous for one thing, being Paul McCartney's bed mate - while Paul was in London, doing, stuff. Yes she and Paul were engaged, but they hadn't actually begun planning the wedding, they had both been so busy, and she'd convinced herself that there would be time for that later, once she'd finished in Bristol, and Paul had completed this album - then they could plan - much to her mother's chagrin. She could hear her now, 5 years of dating, 2 years of living together and for what?

Yes, she loved Paul, but there was - and had been for a little time - the niggling feeling that their relationship was petering out, she hadn't yet admitted to herself. They had grown closer in India, and she reminded herself of the love and joy she felt during his brother's wedding.

Finally, after a few more minutes of contemplation, Jane picked herself up off the floor, clutching her belly as she did so, before realising what she was doing and quickly moving her hand.

'You need to pull yourself together Jane,' she told herself, she often talked to herself, it was a reassuring habit she had picked up in childhood, when she used to repeat the lines of her characters whenever she was upset. 'You and Paul were going to get married at some point anyway, now you'll just need to - to hurry it along.'

She nodded her head briskly and made her way into her poky hotel room, quickly dressing and smoothing out her neat white coat. She had made up her mind, she went over her plan as she quietly packed up all of her possessions into a large black case. She would inform the manager of the Old Vic that a family emergency had called her back to London (she wasn't technically lying, and she was in no mood to notify anyone as to her current state, she had always been, and remained, an extremely private person), she would buy a one way ticket from Temple Meads to Paddington, then catch a cab back to Cavendish Avenue.

She attempted to haul her case off of the stand it was on, she finally managed to ease it off, but as it came down it hit the edge of her hip, her eyes widened and she her hands immediately shot down to her cradle her barely visible belly - causing the case to drop rather painfully on to her feet. It was strange, she decided while smiling ruefully to herself, only 10 minutes of knowing about the baby's existence - and half of that time spent panicking - and she already felt attached. She made her way over to the rotary dial phone and called down to reception to send someone up to take her bag down to the lobby - a pregnant lady shouldn't really be doing heavy lifting anyway.

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Paul stretched out as he lay in bed, turning away from the woman lying next to him. He still didn't quite know why he had started this relationship - if you could even call it that - with her. He supposed it was his self-destruction habit beginning again, Jane had left to do a play in Bristol - yet again - he had felt lonely - yet again - and a part of him didn't want to continue this cycle. As much as he couldn't admit it to himself. Five years of their relationship, and they didn't seem any closer to settling down, sure they were technically engaged, but what did that mean in the grand scheme of things? Paul was beginning to get sick of it, Jane didn't seem any closer to wanting to start a family, certainly not the way he wanted it, but their relationship had become comfortable. How do you end a five year relationship? He certainly didn't want to hurt her, he just wanted, something, something intangible.