I shot up in a cold sweat, slapping a hand over my mouth from the scream.
I stared at the baby monitor, then looked over at Hailee's rocker.
"Lauren, what is it?" Justin asked, sitting up from his spot next to me.
"I-I-" I fumbled with my words, taking a deep breath as I ran my hand over my ponytail. "Bad dream."
"You ok?" He scooted closer, putting his arm around me.
"I don't know."
"What was it this time?" He asked.
"Everything." I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. "The same one. I think I woke Hailee up."
"I can go check if you want." He said, kissing the side of my head.
"You don't have to, I got it."
"It's my night. Go ahead and sleep."
"You sure?"
"Yup. Don't worry about it."
"Mkay." I nodded and sunk back down as he got up, watching him leave as I refused to shut my eyes.
Those nightmares had been so rare since I had Hailee, but for some reason just as they faded they came back.
They always came back.
And tonight was a rememberance of Nicole - and my father.
I reached my hand up to my throat and frowned. That really hurt, and who knows how loud I screamed.
I looked over at the baby monitor as I heard the sound of Hailee stirring, followed by Justin's voice.
"Hi pretty baby. It's ok. Mommy just had a bad dream. She didn't mean to wake you up." He said and I could clearly see him in my head kissing her forehead and shushing her as he bounced her against his shoulder.
I turned on my side as I could hear Hailee turn silent. She had probably fallen back asleep just as quickly as she woke up.
My poor Nicole. I thought I would have at least been better by now, and I am, but I swear every time I look at Hailee or Justin it's a constant reminder that I should have had a baby almost a year ago, Nicole should be one year old, and Hailee shouldn't exsist.
One day she'll know that she has a sister, and I think it will be a hard thing for her to deal with, especially if she is anything like me, or even Justin for that matter.
It's a sister she won't get to meet her whole life.
Hailee was supposed to be a little sister, not the big sister.
And I don't know if it had even occured to Justin, but Hailee might be the only child we get to have. I mean we know me taking it easy had worked, but who knows.
That's why she means everything to me, and I know she has already become Justin's world. The smile on his face when Hailee smiled at him. it was priceless. That's the way he looked at me, and that's the way it should be.
Because somehow, after everything I had been through, including pushing Justin away and dating Taylor, what now seemed so long ago, had all led to this.
I know that if I would have known Justin had feelings for me then, I would have never been with Taylor.
But Justin had been one of my core friends, pretty much my bestfriend, besides my girlfriends, and I fell for him along the way, but with my past and background, I wasn't willing to ruin one of the best things that had ever happened to me.
