The scone they all leave, or the second my brain catches up on reality and realises that they've gone, I get up from where I've been sitting and bolt to Shane and rylands ensuite, slamming the door and clicking it shut behind me.
I pull my legs up to my chest I the corner of the room and start thinking all over again, and let soft sobs fall from my chest, which soon turn into loud, hiccuping ones, but I can't stop them, and I curse myself from being so weak.
When Blake was alive we would have laughed in the faces of them and thought nothing of it, but now I am, curled up into the floor of my uncles house, who I only, met a few days ago, crying my eyes out.
Pathetic.
I feel my wrists tingling, but immediately shake off he thought by pinching myself hard and fast through my jeans, I can't afford for anyone to find out about that here, I stopped a while ago, and I don't want to start again.
I stopped because I distracted myself from it, my mum had seen the few cuts on my wrists I had made when I had been desperate from some form of release and had talked me out of it, little did she know about the thousands cluttering my stomach and thighs.
I didn't often do it on my wrists, I was careless when I did it there, I didn't want anyone to know I did it, and I still don't, I was at a very dark place when I did it, right after Blake passed, and it continued until a few months ago when I went too deep and almost passed out, but managed to save myself from bleeding out.
It was a canvas to me, a work of art, the cuts spelling out horrible words and thoughts I had, I did it as a release, and it worked, but it wasn't good, especially with my anorexia on the side.
I honestly wish I could just be normal, but how can I ever be with my brother gone forever.
What i'd give just to have him next to me, laughing at stupid things on our phones and messing around.
I miss him, everyday, people say it gets easier but it doesn't at all, it just gets worse and worse, as the time I last saw him in physical form dissipates with each day, and the growing heartbreak and separation from having a proper friend goes.
He's here in spiritual form but it isn't the same, I can't touch him, ruffle his hair up and wind him up, cuddle together with him on the sofa.
He's gone and there's nothing I can do about it.
-
I hear footsteps, but ignore them, leaning against the wall, tracing patterns in my jeans, before I hear Ryland call out towards me, causing me to heftily stand up, and walk towards the door, cracking it open and stepping out.
He's upstairs, he probably knew where I was.
"Raven, what's wrong?" He says worriedly, looking at me and rushing over to me, causing my shoulders to shrug and me to look at him with a look of pure confusion.
"You've been crying?" He asks in more of a questioning format then a statement.
"No, I-I, uh poked myself in the eye with an eyeliner pen" I mumble out, cursing myself for my inconsistent stuttering.
"Both eyes?" He questions, causing me to lean up against the door frame.
"I'm not very good at eyeliner" I speak, half telling the truth and half talking out of my ass.
"Raven, there's no eyeliner on the sink, and you're bags in the other room, now tell me, what happened" he says, pushing a hand up toward me and putting it on my shoulder, guiding me toward the bed of his and Shane's room, the door firmly closed.
"I-it's fine, I'm just being stupid" I say, cautiously, scratching at my arms as I spoke, a nervous habit.
"It was your cousins, wasn't it!" He says gently, chains me to let out a gentle nod.
"Yes, but please don't say anything" I whisper, causing him to smile up at me sadly.
"I won't, but I'm not leaving you alone with them again"
-
Shane came home without garret, and he brought home McDonald's for everyone, which made me step out of the room, I couldn't stand the smell, quite frankly it made me feel sick.
Ryland told Shane I already ate, and then came out to me and said he could make me some rice or something, which I objected, I didn't want to eat tonight, not after their words.
I saw the worried look from Ryland, especially since I had told him the other day that I always had a plain dinner at home.
Ryland had told me to at least have a monster, to which obliged to, before walking upstairs and sitting on the rug in Shane's room, to which I am currently doing, watching YouTube.
I heart footsteps, and turn to see Shane entering the room, and them walking over to his side if the bed, only to spot me, a blanket over me and sorry beside me, leaning against his bedside counter.
He looks over at me, concerned, but doesn't say anything for a few seconds.
"why are you sitting in the floor?" He asks, causing me to shrug my shoulders.
"I'm sleeping here" I say in response, causing him to the immediately reach his hand down to me.
"No you're not, come on, up on the bed"he states, causing me to take his hand and stand up, perching myself off the corner of the bed.
"You can sleep in the middle" he says, smiling, causing me to scoot over, Shane handing me Snorry,
"Thank you" I say.
"Don't worry about it" Shane says, cuing me to ponder what he could be thinking of by saying that, he couldn't possible know could he?
-
Sorry for the shitty and short chapter.
Also, a wattpad friend is writing a book and I think you should check it out, her name is Kel616
Song of the day:
Unforgiven by blood on the dance floor
(I love the music video for this a lot, honestly Dahvie and Jay look so cool!)
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Little cousin (adopted by Shane Dawson)
FanfictionRavens grandma, who she had never met, has told ravens uncle to allow all of her cousins and her to stay at his place for three weeks, as she wishes she knew her cousins when she was a teen. Now, not only have all of her other cousins met before, ma...
