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Chapter Nine

She's wearing a wedding dress, and her hair is half up, curling softly around her shoulders. She looks lovely, and I can't quite hate her the way I used to.

"What are you doing here?"

"I - I'm married to Heracles." She looks down, embarrassed. As if I'll be angry. If anything, I feel sorry for her.

"Why would you do that?"

"I had no choice, Cinderel  - Ella. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what he did to you. Is there really nothing?"

"As far as we know. But - how's Ermelina? Aemilia?"

"Aemilia is courting Lord Frederick of Mangolinria. I think they actually like each other, too." I stare at Adelaide in shock. She's grown up so much - I never would have believed that she would say anything like that. Acknowledge that most marriages are not for love. That she married Heracles because she had no choice. That it even happened. "Ermelina is... I think she misses us. It's lonely with just Aemilia. And she's out of the house as much as possible." I laugh.

"There is no such thing as love! Don't you know that by now?"

"Just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist."

"Have you ever seen true love? Love that lasted?"

"Not exactly, but -"

"See!"

"I still think it exists. Somewhere."

"Somewhere. How promising."

"Please, Ella." I roll my eyes. It's just like her - even after being forced into a marriage she hates, she still believes.

"Fine. So..."

"Yes?" My voice lowers to a whisper.

"How are you going to get me out?"

"What?"I gesture for her to lower her voice.

"Escape?"

"Ella, you're better off here than anywhere else."

"I'm locked up."

"But safe and provided for."

"But - I thought -"

"Ella. If I helped you escape, you would be seen as a witch. They would burn you. Drown you, then burn you. And even if they didn't - how long would it be until you were too old to provide for yourself? I'm sorry, but I can't." I go cold. I had never thought of it like that. That was what would happen to me. There was no other option. "I'm sorry, Ella. I have to go. If I don't... bye."

I stare after her, partly mourning the loss of her... innocence. I never thought I would miss her naÏvety. She understood now. Not completely - she was still clinging on to that last little sliver of hope. That it wasn't all completely useless. I want to be angry that she wouldn't help, but I know that she was right. There's more for me here than there will ever be outside. I just wish I had a little more freedom... 

I mustn't fall asleep, though. The one thing I can't do. I'm not entirely sure why I'm bothering, because why should I? But there's still some part of me that wants to survive. I just can't process dying. Can't imagine it. Even as I grow older every night, closer to death, I just can't put it into perspective. Maybe it's self centered, but I can't imagine the world without me. It just doesn't make sense.

I wonder what time it is. Late afternoon, I would guess, or early evening. Judging by the light, anyway, which really can't be trusted. The sky is grey, anyway, with rain clouds. I frown internally. Surely they intend to feed me - I haven't eaten at all today. I hadn't noticed earlier - I'm never hungry when I'm upset or angry, but now that it's as normal as it could be in the circumstances, I can't help but notice it. I almost feel sick. Hunger is good, though - it will help to keep me awake. Still though. It would be nice to have something to eat. God - what if Heracles is angry? What if that's why he won't feed me? I shudder involuntarily. No matter how close to death I get I want to hope that I won't - not again. Not knowing everything I now know. But then - who knows what I'll do once I get close enough to starvation?