Overdose of Happiness

4

Julie's pov

The bell rang signaling for us to go to Dr.Richards session. The guy that was watching me suddenly disappeared from my vision, trying to search the room for him with my eyes I was zoomed out of it when I felt someone tap on my shoulder.

I turned around to see who was it and there stood Shira with a grin on her face. I smiled back at her "Do you mind if you walk with me to the session?"She asked nervously while playing with her fingers.

"Of course." I accepted her offer and her face lightened up when I said that. I guess she doesn't have any friends in here and I am going to feel bad when I die because she got involved in my miserable life that is going to end in a day.

We entered the room where the session is going to be held. I searched for the same guy and he wasn't here. There wasn't really a lot of patients in the session, maybe its boring.

"Patients hate Dr.Richards sessions because it kind of hits them so hard and makes them regret things they did in the past. Most people here just want to die because they lost hope or their lives isn't that important."

I just nodded when Shira said that, There is no way I am regretting my decision. I made up my mind and can't wait for tomorrow to arrive.

Dr.Richards looked very decent, a pleasant comfortable looking man indeed, he appeared intriguing to me. He took off his blazer and threw it on the office chair. He was wearing black pants and a white buttoned shirt.

"Good morning to you all, please have a seat."

I watched as everybody took a seat. Dr.Richards pulled out a chair to sit on it and now he is facing us, hands intertwined together in-front of him clearing his throat before talking.

"Today is a little different, I am going to tell you a story about a best friend of mine who recently committed suicide

Her name is Claire. She was thirty six when she committed suicide. Yes she is old and mature enough to do such thing but it doesn't matter. Her husband passed away and that's the reason why she committed suicide

He got diagnosed with lung cancer stage three. He lived for only two months and then he died. Claire loved Daniel endlessly and even though she couldn't have kids, they still loved each other

He never thought about other women because he had alot of respect and love for Claire. Like they always say, good people are the ones who always struggle

She decided to end her life because her happiness died with Daniel. She said something in her suicide letter that broke my heart realizing how much she really loved him

"When you lose someone, every candle, every prayer is not going to hide the fact that the only person you love left you."

Silence filled the room after this sentence and I started tearing remembering my dad. I used to go to his grave everyday until my mom stopped me. I always lit a candle everytime I went there and prayed for him. Its true the fact that the only person in my life that I loved died.

"I am not telling any of you to simply end their life if they lose someone they love. Think about other people in this world. Think about the homeless ones

Before saying that you are going to die and life is not worth it. There are people in this world who spend their entire life searching for a moment of happiness. Think about these people and yourself. You will figure out that you never tried searching for happiness like them. Instead you decided to end it. People suffer to live not to commit suicide."

And with that the session came to an end. I got up and stormed out of the room. I started walking towards the ward and the tears were burning my eyes.

Every word hit me like a bitch. Everything Dr.Richards said described me. And for the first time in my life I feared something that I thought I'd never fear:

Death.

But it's too late now. I have one day left. I feel like I have never given myself a chance. I kept giving other people chances to hurt me and I never gave myself one. When I broke up with Adams I felt blank. I didn't even think about happiness at this point.

I actually now regret my suicide attempt.

Dad wanted me to become a pianist and he wanted me to graduate. He wanted to be proud of me and I let him down.

I closed my eyes and let the tears roll down my cheeks. "I am sorry dad" I whispered to myself. I know he is with me. He never left my side.

I wiped the tears and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 11:30 pm. Probably most of the patients are asleep so it's the best if I played some piano now. It's the only thing that will help me express my emotions.

I sat on piano bench amd started playing the chords I played when my dad died. I started to feel myself calm down.

My eyes shifted from the piano when I heard the sound of something that had fallen. It was the same guy from the morning sitting near the glass window and holding the pencil drawing something in his sketch.

He smiled when he caught me looking at him. He send me a light wave making me chuckle to myself.

And this guy who I barely know, his smile is the reason why I want to live. Just to see this smile that gives me some hint of hope to keep living.