In the middle of the ocean

Chapter 6: Still a no

Harry walks me to my home. There's a silence between us but not a bad one.

"Lately you seem a little.. out of it," Harry unexpectedly says.

"You're just imagining it," I reply and try to stir him away from this topic.

"I don't think so. You're eye bags are getting bigger. Are you sleeping enough?"

Is it that obvious?

"It's true I had nightmares but it's not that bad," I explain carelessly. 

"Nightmares? Since when?" he asks a little agitated.

"Last week. Seriously don't worry, I feel better than ever."

And another person I have to lie to. I never told Harry about the event that happened in my high school years. Don't want more people to find out abot it. It's not that I don't trust him but I just want to keep the little confidence that I still have. 

His eyes darken for a moment.

"Why do I have a feeling, you're lying to me?"

"What?" I pipe nervously, biting my lower lip. 

"I don't want to find out in the end, that you had me for a fool."

"Harry?" I ask, shocked and he quickly holds his breath. 

"Nothing, just.. you know you can trust me, right?" he smiles. 

"I know," I reply still a little shocked.

He soon stops and snakes his arm around my hips, pulling me closer to him. We stand in front of my house and judging by the empty driveway, no one is home yet. Abruptly, Harry grabs me by my hair and furiously kissed me. His kiss surprises me, but even more his hand, reaching up under my blouse. Alarms start ringing in my head and I push him away with all my might. 

"Sorry Harry, but I.." I struggle with my breathing and stop. 

"So it's still a no, huh?" he asks gloomily and drops his head. 

"Sorry," is the only thing I can say.

"We've been together for half a year now, Mia. When will you let me in?" I sense irritation in his voice and he clutches his fists. 

"I know, but... I'm not ready. I already told you in the beginning. I need more time."

"You say that every time I try to take a step forward."

I was left without my voice. I could feel burning in my throat and tears threatening to show up. Harry sighs deeply and gently touches my cheek. 

"I'm sorry. Please don't cry," and he wipes away a tear under my eyes. "I promise I'll wait. But I don't know for how long."

I catch my lips between my teeth.

"I better go. Have a nice evening, babe," he says with a sad face and softly kisses me. 

"Bye, Harry. I love you," I quickly reply and wave goodbye.

"Me too," he says back and leaves without turning around once.

I feel tears sliding down my cheeks and I make my way in my house. It's quiet inside and no one's around. I do like peace and quiet but at times like this, I really need someone. I walk to my room and lay on my bed, hugging my knees to my chest. 

Will things go wrong even with Harry? I have enough problems with work, I don't need love problems as well. My phone rings and for a second I think it's from Harry, but another name pops up on the screen. Mary. 

I smile lovingly at my phone and answer. "Hi, Mary!"

"Hey, Mia! How's it going, my partner?"

"Okay," I answer absent-mindedly cause I really wasn't feeling good. 

"Hey... What's the matter?" I hear her worried voice on the other side and decide to tell her everything. I could always talk about my problems with her, no matter how good or bad. She always stood by my side.

Mary patiently listened to me and sometimes let out a word or two to let me know she is still there. When I finally come to an end with my over-exhaustingly day, I realize how much it meant to me to confide in someone. 

"Oh, my poor baby," her sad voice rings out. "I'm really sorry you have to go through all of this. If only I could help you somehow."

"But you have," I answer her kindly. "You listened to me."

"I know, but I want to do more."

I smile quietly. She always wants to do more. Even if it's not necessary. 

"I can only tell you to hang on. Everything will resolve in the end, trust me," she adds. "Just let me ask you one question. Are you sure you can trust Harry?"

Her question surprises me. "Why?"

"I don't know. I don't like it how he's in a hurry. A real man always has enough patience for that kind of things."

"I know, but it is true that we are already together for half a year."

"That's not an excuse."

I grow quiet. I know she's right. But what can I do when I love him so much?

"Love, huh?" she more states than asks. "There's nothing wrong with you being in love. Just make sure you're not the only one."

"Okay, Mary. I'll remember that."

"Make sure you really do," she replies and I hear barking on her side. "I don't want to say goodbye yet but Stick wants my attention. Talk to you later, okay?"

"Sure. Love you!"

"Love you more," she exclaims happy and hangs up the phone.

The clock strikes exactly 8 o'clock and I yawn, tired. Today everyone expected too much from me. No human can possibly handle this much exertion that I had to. I'd love to just fall asleep this minute but the growling in my stomach beats me to the kitchen. I open the fridge and stare into delicious sausages, poking out of paper. I grab them and also a nicely ripped tomato, treating myself with a hot cup of cocoa and a piece of bread with it. Now, this is nice.