Am i good enough, just the way i am? Or do i need to be your constant adorer, following you and praising the floor you walk on?
I thought i was enough as i am now. Guess i thought wrong.
Who thought after many months of speaking, not speaking, having fun, sharing fitctional moments and "loving" each other that suddenly i feel this urge that im alone. That i've been replaced by a person who was there after the many months i have been away from you, not keeping contact. Feeling replaced and that i lost you makes me feel worse.
Bottling it all up all these feelings doesnt help me in any way because i will find myself loosing myself and my vision, blacking out of reality and not coming back until i wake up from a fail attemp of leaving.
My bestfriends were bottles and bottles of pills, alcohol, knives, ropes, and belts. They gave me feeligs of relief until i woke up in my bed with my sister crying at my side.
Death.
Such a delicious idea isn't it?
I thought it was. Not as much anymore because realizing my family ad the people i care about DO care, at least more than i thought, made me stop and forced to get "help".
Now i work hard to be the best girl out there to make you proud and truely love me.
That will never happen so i am just going to keep walking, self harming, and forget about the past.
