Coffee & Flowers ✓

nine | bubble gum

nine | bubble gum

          He was leaving her. He wasn't leaving his guitar behind, or his sweater, or even that stupid notebook he carried around with him everywhere, ready for inspiration to take over at any moment. He was leaving behind the memories, the feelings, the what-if's, and all because he was too damn scared to face her.

          He felt like a coward, leaving her that note like he had, stuck to the bubble gum machine outside of the town's grocery store on the steps which she frequented. He knew she'd be likely to find it there than somewhere else, quarters ready to insert where blue and green, red and purple gumdrops clattered out of the dispenser and into her open palms.

          Inside the note he couldn't even tell her it was because he was scared! All that time spent with her... all those words spoken between the two, the shared looks... he readjusted the straps of his guitar case on his back, nervously awaiting his flight time.

          He sucked at trying to get his thoughts through his mouth, so they just stayed in his head, until usually he opted to write people letters and music sheets when he felt really passionate about something. He thought words written meant more than words spoken, because words written lasted forever. Words spoken were lost in the moment, and all those conversations with her would be too. He would never be able to get those back.

          Maybe he shouldn't have asked her if given the chance would she go back to her ex. Maybe he shouldn't have paid so much attention the way her lips breathed hope into his lungs when his thigh pressed right up against hers, firmly. And maybe he shouldn't have cared when she reassured him with

          "I don't know to be honest. I'm going to say no, because it was beautiful the first time around. You don't get those experiences back and I was glad to have lived them once you know?" and then she went on to shock him with

          "I hope you find a love of your own, and I hope you're brave and courageous and don't give a damn what everyone else thinks. Because it'll be the biggest regret you'll ever have to live with." she blinked back the tears, reaching for Nicholas and his comfort. He tugged her onto his lap and just held her, face blank, void of any emotion because it was all just too confusing for him. He didn't know what to feel, but now he did, and he was running away from it all.

          There was a producer in California that had come down on holiday once. He had told Nicholas to give him a call if he ever changed his mind about wanting to meet up and talk flashing lights and overcrowded stadium shows one day, and there was nothing she could do about it. He'd be gone before she even woke up at three o'clock in the afternoon on his basement couch, Scary Movie 3 playing on repeat from when they had curled up on the sofa together, popcorn separating them though their hands curled together in the bowl.

          Nicholas was just another boy to lose so that when next time came around there would be a next time, and a time for something better to happen.