The springtime rush springs upon me
Clouds melt over snowy lands, gravel and dirt melt away
The smell so distinct and clear- for the first time, the sun stings my face.
The hollow frame, my prison cell.
Confined to these walls, these atoms and parts of hell.
Narrowly, I escaped the psych ward- like outrunning a bullet I thought for sure would have ended me.
The fatal combination had me out of my mind, narrowly myself.
The come down didn't compare to the let down I set up for myself.
Not only were the voices I heard fake, but I made many mistakes.
Irreversible, undoable, the unthinkable.
The unforgivable, the punishable
Self subjected solitary confinement in the form of amputation.
Letting go of you is like pulling teeth- it's like the wheelchairs I rode in, crying in the calm halls, captivated by the art.
The way the glass ceiling of the hospital looked- as if Stars had been trapped beneath.
The worst head trip, the worst bliss,
The worst is ever got my hopes up- only to plummet from floor to hound level.
Summon me at round 17
"Walk out and look normal" my feet feel less formal
Not even sure what I fought you for-
Now I'm doused in fear, followed, and fake.
About as hollow as I once feared- you dove into me, and I into you.
Now I'm convinced that nothing I could say could describe anything I'm thinking.
I've done a lot without thinking through, and honestly I am a snake.
Two different stories told to two halves of me.
Still, I have no idea how at all I formulated what I did.
It felt as if there was something fishy going on, then I got picked up in an ambulance again.
When the room blackened, and I heard, "God have mercy on their soul"
I didn't know it was my soul that needed saving.
The one that needed mercy was me-
Prescription poison, or as I prefer, pesticide.
The sunsets over shoulders, not looking out the windows- buildings collapse in the background.
Sparkles on the roof, and turning myself in.
I feel as if that's where I belong- four walls, padded hugs... daily food.
Horrifyingly enough, I'm nowhere near as good as people claim me to be.
I am in no place to be making big decisions.
I wouldn't say I'm ruined, more set back a couple years.
