Lame Ass Jokes - 1
1) Hey, say this: I am sofa king wee tod did.
2) If I filp a coin what are my chances of getting head??
3) Dracula- I suckkk peoples blood and terrorise the villages! what do u do???
Edward- I sparkle!
4) Captain Krazy: Hey, guys! See that mountain over there? It's 3000 ft above sea level.. when your on top, you don't have to smoke.. your already high!! HAHAHAHA!
5) Facebook Junkie: IF YOU SEND ME ANOTHER FARMVILLE REQUEST YOU SON OF A BITCH, I WON'T FERTILIZE YOUR CROPS, I'LL FARTELIZE!
6) Student: Teacher you won't punish me for something I didn't do right?
Teacher: Of course not.
Student: Well I didn't do my homework!
Teacher: DETENTION!
7) Teacher: Your late.
Student: Nahh, everybody else is just early.
8) The "Shake Weight" is the funniest thing i have ever seen.
9) When life gives you Bad Romance, get a Telephone and call Alejendro, when alejandro comes over he brings the Paparazii to take picture of you just dancing to Love game..
10) The world can't end in 2012, I have yogurt that expires in 2013.
11) Lady Gaga should lend Justin Bieber her balls.
12) "dont look at me, I didn't do it"... "then why are you laughing?".... "because whoever did it is a freaking genus!"
13) Don't worry about the year 2012 because the Jonas Brothers have been to the year 3000.
14) When life gives you lemons drop them and go to the mall and buy some lemonade.
15) I have a 6 pack.
Where?
In the fridge.
16) "why are you wearing pajamas?"
"these are not pajamas it a .. work out suit"
"for what?"
"super cool stuff you wouldn't understand"
"like sleeping?"
Agnes and Vector from Dispicable Me.
17) IT'S SO FLUFFY I COULD DIE!!
18) I wish I could be a monkey so I could throw bananas at people and it would be legal.
19) Bitch, don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the moon!
20) I'm the kind of person that will spend 7 hours and 20 minuets to drown a fish.
21) I KNOW WHO IT'S COMING FROM BECAUSE I BACKTRACED IT! I WILL REPORT YOU TO THE CYBER POLICE!! CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! YOU DUN GOOFED!
22) Boy: Dad.. Why do you keep telling people your dying of AIDS when it's really cancer?
Dad: Because when I'm gone.. nobody will touch my wife.
23) When I die.. give my best friend permission to change my online status to, "Chillin with Jesus"
24) So if the world ends on December 21 2012, in New Zealand it'll be the 22nd.. do you die a day earlier?
25) Eenie Meenie Minie Mo, Catch Justin Bieber by his throat
If he chokes (if, if he chokes) Don't let go.
26) Blonds have more fun.. but brunettes remember it the next day. (A/N: No offense blondies)
27) mom,mom,mummy,mummy,ma'ma,ma'ma,ma,ma,..... wat!?........ hi -stewie
28) Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob sqaure pants? Who sounds like a girl when he tries to sing? JUSTIN BIEBER!
29) Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS! Who died in an oil spill because of BP? SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS!
30) "Sorry I thought you were someone else."
"I am"
31) When you see a wasp singing 'Imma Be'
32) 11th of November, 2011. 11:11 AM, 11 seconds. I will be SO pissed if I miss it!
33) Phone Convo:
* You comin to my birthday party?
** Hell yeah!
* I might have a pinata.
** I'd hit that.
* WTF?!
** I was talking about the pinata, dirty minded!
34) Texting:
Girl; what u doin?
Boy; bout to call someone thats perfect in every way
Girl; o, who's that?
Boy; the girl i love
Girl; oh.. well have fun with her..
Boy; Don't be sad
Girl; why?
Boy calls Girl (Not really a joke.. just thought I'd add it)
35) You think I have a problem? Solve it?
You think I'm trippin? Tie my shoe.
You can't stand me? Well sit back down!
36) The F.U.N song from spongebob is a very dirty song once you think about it.(think about it)
37) THIS IS MY RIFLE, THIS IS MY GUN, THIS IS FOR FIGHTING, THIS IS FOR FUN!
38) Baby, are you Gillette? Cause your the best a guy can have!
39) Commas save lives... E.g:
Let's eat, Grandma!
aside from,
Let's eat Grandma!
40) Saying "YOUR MOM!" to your sibling doesnt work out too well..
41) 2pacs of Eminems cost 50cent thats ludacris by the way i want my Nickelback
42) When people do the jerk, looking very constipated.
43) I'm like a firecracker. I'm short, hard to handle at times, when you light my fuse, you may regret it, and when I go off, I go off with a big BANG.
44) Roses are red, Violets are blue.. god made me beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
45) Tomatoes are red, Ashes are black.. go to hell and never come back.
Yep..
Don't take ANY Offense in these jokes please!!
Rosalie
