Losing Myself

Chapter Two

Arizona

It's been 3 weeks. Callie won't talk to me and I've tried to speak to her but she won't. Callie has Sofia for two nights and then I get Sofia for two nights but it's not enough, I want Callie, I need Callie.

"Momma! Momma look. " I'm broken out of my trance by Sofia waving a piece of paper in front of my face.

"That is beautiful my girl what is it?" It looks like three trees, one with yellow leaves and two of them with brown ones

"That's you momma, and that's mommy and that's me. " oh. It's a not so family portrait.

" I love it, here let momma put it on the wall. " I take the paper and find something to stick it to the wall with, I don't notice when a tear rolls down my cheek.

"I think it's about time for your bedtime don't you Mrs. " I say after the drawing is on the wall.

*next day*

"Im kicking you out. " We haven't spoken in weeks but when she finally says something it's this.

"Your stuff needs to be cleared out of my apartment by tomorrow. " and then she's gone. I slam my glass down on the bar and storm after her.

"Callie. " no answer.

"CALLIE. " silence.

"CALLIOPE TORRES ANSWER ME NOW I AM YOUR WIFE." She stops and turns to face me.

"Want to know something that really bothers me?" She says before I get a word in.

"What. " I snap.

"After the accident you didn't want me, it took you months to even let me look at you, you didn't let me touch you or kiss you and it sucked, you try not being able to touch your own wife. You didn't have sex with your OWN WIFE for 5 months because you thought that I wouldn't want you or that you were ugly or something but as soon as Lauren comes in the picture it only takes you a few hours to get her into bed didn't it?" Those harsh words coming out of Callie's beautiful mouth hurt me, they hurt me because it was true.

"I love you. "

"But you didn't love me when you were screwing her did you?" She turns to walk away.

"Callie ," I weep but she doesn't look back.

I don't want to try anymore, it's too painful and besides I've got some packing to do.

I chuck my stuff into the last box and figure out where I want to go and it's looking like my only option is the hospital, I could sleep in a supply closet or something.

It's Callie'a apartment and I get that but it's hard leaving here, the bed where we used to sleep every night, the shower she carried me in when I couldn't even make it to the toilet, the memories. Good job Arizona you've really gone and fucked everything up now. The one thing I leave behind is the picture Sofia drew on the wall, maybe Callie would look at it and realise that what I did was a mistake, the biggest fucking mistake and she needs me as much as I need her. Maybe. I have an idea, it seems like a good one but I have no idea how Callie would react.

*next day*

"You!" I yell at some random person I've never seen before.

"Have you seen Dr Torres?" The dumb boy just looks at me.

"The smoking hot Latino Dr. Torres?" I roll my eyes.

"That smoking hot Latino just happens to be my wife. " The look on his face is priceless.

"Oh god I'm - um I'm sorry. "

"HAVE YOU SEEN MY WIFE?" I yell at him.

"No" I storm away from him in a rage of anger for no reason, maybe it's cause he called her smoking hot and even though he's a man he's got more chance than I do.

"Chief!"

"Robbins, are you okay?" Owen walks towards me.

"No. Owen I'm not okay. I'm drowning, I don't know what to do , Owen I'm not okay I'm drowning. " he reassuringly puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Robbins calm down, take a breath. "

"Have you seen Callie?" I ask with tears streaming down my face.

"I haven't, I'm sorry , do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head and run (we'll try to) to the nearest on call room. I lock it and I crumple to the ground.

"Arizona?" I stop.

"Why are you crying?" Her voice comes from the top bed, she never sleeps on the top bed, but she is and I know it's because I can't get up there - and she know that if I found her that I would want to lie with her , but I can't. I can't get up there.

"Because I'm drowning. I hurt you so bad and I hate myself for doing it. Calliope Torres I love you with every fibre of me and it hurts because I messed up bad and I need you. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. That's why I am crying Callie" the only sound in this room is my sobs. Neither of us move and the silence is killing me.

"Do you still love me?" It's the stupidest thing I could of said but I didn't know what else I could say and I want her to say something stupid like 'of course I love you Arizona' but she just laughs.

"It's killing me how much I love you Arizona. Killing me. You did something terrible, you broke me and I love you, I can't stop loving you. " I grab her hands.

"Then let's do something about it Calliope, do couples therapy with me ? Please. "

"Maybe. I have rounds. " and she's gone and I'm alone. Again.