Gotta Be Him (Niam fanfic)

 I sat down at the table and picked up a piece of toast, and bit into it slightly. From where I was sitting, I could just make out the words “ONE DIRECTION’S LIAM PAYNE” as part of the headline on a newspaper. It was most likely full of lies, but that didn’t stop me from glaring at it suspiciously. I didn’t want to read it, but then there was sensible reasoning, what was the harm in it? There was none. I grabbed it and unfolded it carefully, trying not to spill any crumbs on it. If Niall found even a discarded crumb he’d probably tell me off for wasting good food, but that wasn’t the main reason I was trying not to be messy. I didn’t want to ruin it now that I was so intrigued. I smiled slightly, and scanned over the article. I could see the headline clearly now, and it said “ONE DIRECTION’S LIAM PAYNE BROKE UP WITH DANIELLE PEAZER WHEN HE FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT”.

I choked on my toast and spluttered. I - I don’t... I skimmed over the rest of it and a few phrases caught my eye:

“Sources say that Payne wanted her to have an abortion, and almost brutally forced her into it. When she refused he broke up with her and left her alone.”

My eyes prickled with tears but I refused to let them fall.

“We can only imagine what a truly heartless monster lies beneath his all too deceiving innocent exterior.”

I didn’t care that they didn’t have any evidence. I didn’t care that I knew it wasn’t true.

“We warn the fans of One Direction away from Liam Payne, and now that this shocking truth is out who knows what other horrible secrets him and the other boys of 1D may hide?”

I cared so much about everything else that it hurt.

“One fan spoke to us and said ‘I always hated Liam, I mean he’s like the ugly one and doesn’t even deserve to be in 1D, now that everyone knows his true personality I hope management kick him out of the band.’”

I felt the paper crumple beneath my fingertips, and then I tore out the page and threw it to the floor carelessly. I didn’t realise that I was gripping the table edge so tightly until my knuckles went white.  Then I let the tears stream down my face.

It was stupid. I wasn’t supposed to care so much, I wasn’t supposed to let those stupid lies get to me, but they did.  I’d never had much reason to cry. I was always the one comforting the others; I never let myself show too much emotion because I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems. It felt too selfish. Every time I tried, I immediately felt guilty and reverted back to my old ways.

I cried angrily, and because – like an idiot – I didn’t want to disturb Niall, Zayn, Harry and Louis who were still asleep, I just walked outside. I kept on walking for a while, hoping that nobody would notice me (which was kind of wishful thinking).

For a while, nobody did. Then I heard the pounding of footsteps on the pavement behind me. I started to realise that going outside was a stupid idea, and I was angry at myself for that. I wasn’t supposed to make rash, stupid decisions. I was meant to be sensible and calm and collected and... There was every reason not to be outside now, because it was likely that everyone had read the article. Of course it wasn’t true. I would never, ever do something like that.  Danielle had broken up with me. Not the other way around. She certainly wasn’t pregnant either. When I went to see her a week ago she told me that she couldn’t handle us hardly seeing each other, and she thought it was best if we just didn’t bother anymore. I smiled sadly and nodded like I understood, but in reality it broke me. She broke me. I didn’t cry then, and I don’t think I wanted to. 

I brushed back a tear with my thumb and spun around to face whoever was behind me. 

“Liam.” his voice cracked in the middle of my name as his eyes flickered over the tear tracks on my face.