Lost to words (Spencer Reid)

Safe

 

     "Jayne, wake up." I heard a voice above me. My eyes fluttered open.

     "Spencer?" His face loomed above me. His chiseled features gave him a kind of extraterrestrial beauty. Wait. Stop. My head sat on Spencer's lap. "Shit. I had a panic attack again, didn't I? Did anyone get hurt?" I asked, squeezing my eyes shut.

     "Shh, its okay. No one got hurt. No one saw. Your arm got a little scratched up, but as far as it being bad there really is nothing to compare it to. I've only known you for..." he paused to look at his watch. "One hour and seven minutes." He gave me a half smile.

     "You save complete strangers with varried psychosis alot, do you?" He smiled a full smile. I would sell my soul to see that smile for the rest of my life.

     "Nope, just you it seems." A small laugh echoed across his chest.

     "Hey, Pretty Boy." A loud voice boomed. "Pretty Boy?" The voice seemed to draw nearer.

     "Yeah, back here Morgan." Spencer's eyes never left mine. I scrambled away, out of his grasp ready to take off again. His eyes filled with concern. "No, Jayne. It's okay. Don't worry. You're safe with me. Shh." He becons me over. I hesitatingly returned to my place, when he tries to wrap his long arms around me I shift away again.

     "Spencer, look, I gotta go." I started to get up, looking looked around for my bag. "Can you hand me my purse?" I asked. He furrowed his eyebrows.

     "Jayne, what's wrong?" He looked wounded. I leaned over him and grabbed my bag, and the bottle of Valium from the grass beside him. Walking out of the little alley, and away from the concerned man in the sweater vest, I turned the corner.

     "Shit." I bumped into something. "Watch where you're going buddy!"  Some chick brushed by me. I turned back to see the black guy I ran into. I muttered a few choice words and carried on, away from the alley.

     "Jayne!" I kept walking. I saw my bike just a little bit further away. I jogged up to it, looking in my bag for my keys. I sighed when I came up empty.

     "Fuck!" I kicked the tire. Fanfuckingtastic. Could life be any fucking worse right now? I slammed my hands down heavy on the wide seat. I dropped my head, staring at my feet, pondering the options at hand.

     I decided waiting would be the least damaging option. I leaned up against the hot leather and waited. It was the easiest option, considering the alternatives.

     My panic attacks have slowly started to get more frequent. I get about three a day. I've gotten almost to the point of agoraphobia. Leaving my room was a challenge. Shit, everything was a challenge. I had to force myself to get out of bed. Knowing I shouldn't have left the motel, I buried my head in my hands.

     "Jayne." I heard a soft voice in front of me.

     "What, Spence?" I sighed, looking up.

     "Just let me help you." He half smiled. I was pissed at myself for being able to hear the sincerity in his flawless voice.

     "I can't." I whispered, almost to myself.

     "Why?"

     "Because. I can't afford to." I wished and prayed the tears away, in vain.

     "I won't hurt you." He said, shaking his head.

     "God. Fuck. Just don't." I couldn't look at him. I just wanted my fucking keys.

     "Just tell me what's wrong. I just want to help you." I turned around, tears streaming down my face.

     "Jayne, I'm going to touch you, okay?" I nodded my head. He took a step closer to me, wiping tears from my face. "I don't even know you that well, but I know something hurt you really bad. Just let me help. It's okay. I promise." He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest.

     "Can you help me find my keys?" I sniffled into his shirt. He rubbed small circles in my back, as I clung to him. I felt my eyelids get heavy. Oh, shit. "Spencer?" I asked.

     "Yes?"

     "I'm passing out again."

     "Oh." Things seemed to fade, and I saw black spots. This is why you eat before you take Valium. I felt myself slide into a dark sleep again.

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     My eyes fluttered open again, and I felt warm arms wrapped around me. I snapped my head up. Thank Christ. Its just Spencer. Wait....I looked around. I found myself, yet again, my head in his lap. Except this time we were on a bench in some kind of office. Spencer's head floated above mine.

I tried to move without waking him up. This is now the second time I've fallen asleep in this beautiful strangers lap. I shifted, trying to slide out of his grasp. "I'm not sleeping." I heard his sweet voice echo from his lungs. I couldn't help my smile.

     "Where are we?" I asked him.

     "Work. Don't worry. I had Morgan find your keys. Your bike is in the garage. JJ brought us here." I shot up.

     "You let someone drive my bike!" I smacked his thigh. "Spencer!"

     "Hey, its okay! No need to smack me. You just assulted a federal agent." He smiled. I laughed at his reaction, laying my head back down in his lap. He busted out laughing.

     "It's not funny. Don't make fun of me." I smiled, staring up into his stunning eyes. God, I'm such a child.

     "No, you're fine. I guess I'll forgive it. Just this once though." He poked my side, half smiling.

     "D-did you just....Did you just poke me?" Before he could answer the door busted open and a colorful blonde woman strutted in.