Reviving December

You Won't Ever Be Lonely

December

To try to begin to describe the fire that spread through my veins with a simple touch of his hands would be impossible. His skin against my own was lightening, electrifying. My pulse skittered erratically under my skin, heat tingling at my finger tips. I had the urge to yank my hand from his, and at the same time pull him closer to feel that current all over. Neither of us spoke, simply stared into the depths of one another's eyes. Fear curled deep in my gut, mingled with doubt and insecurity, all holding their own party within my core. There was a reason I'd run from him at the party, because I knew he'd see beyond my carefully erected defenses. But touching him once again, feeling his strong grip in my own reminded me why I had loved him so deeply in my youth; Cade was the strength I'd always lacked, he had always given me hope and a shoulder to lean on. My breathe was coming out in short gasps as I was hauled forward, the urge to run once again sitting at the forefront of my brain. I'd come to this place, our place to look for solace. To console myself and cry over the loss of the woman I would never be. My throat tightened as I thought about the last time I had trusted a man implicitly enough to walk unseeingly into life with him. Was that what I was doing now as he led me silently into his home? Cade, the man I knew before, wouldn't hurt me with his words let alone his hands, but I had thought the same of Eric. That is until the first time he hit me. And somehow even though in my very soul that Cade would rather cut off a limb than harm me, I found myself pulling my hand from his harshly and tucking it into my chest, cradling it as if the electricity flowing between us had burned me. Hadn't it?

Cade looked back at me with a questioning look, his brow furrowing — marring the handsome rugged was of his face. Shaking my head in response my eyes skittered away from his, if he saw the demons I knew were in my eyes there would be questions. I wasn't ready to answer those. I didn't think I ever would be.

"Cmon in, December."

Following him dutifully, I waited for him to unlock his door and usher me in, careful not to brush him as I stepped over the threshold.

My breath caught.

From where I stood I could see everything, it seemed. The open floor plan only separated by cedar support beams and beautiful antique furniture I was sure he'd gotten from his grandparents after their passing. The gleam of polished wood shone under the low beam lights over head, glittering merrily as my eye caught new objects with ever pass. Dark wood popped throughout the beautifully done living room, a soft beige couch and loveseat sprinkled with throw pillows that I was sure Mrs. Reins had added in her attempt to kill the bachelor pad vibe. A large stone fire place stood proudly on the far west wall, wrought iron utensils tucked neatly beside the rust colored stones. Above the mantle hung a large tv, sleek and shiny, with framed pictures added to each corner to give the room a personal touch. To the other side was a gorgeous granite counter top, stainless steel fixtures for a sink leaping from the top. A large wooden cutting board and block for knives only inches away, a basket of veggies centered colorfully on the island. The cabinets were solid wood that matched the whole house, with silver handles poking out. Life and warmth seeped our from his home and I wanted to bury the feeling deep within myself. This was the type of home I had always dreamed of. His home was beautiful, perfect.

"I'm gonna grab a drink, you want anything?" My suddenly parched throat didn't allow words to escape, I simply settled for nodding and following behind him. We were silent as he retrieved drinks from the French door refrigerator, eyes catching momentarily as he poured two glasses of tea. What was I supposed to say? What was he? I wondered why we were even here. I had only come here to find peace, this place had always given me that, upon finding a home here my world had shattered — it was like someone had erased every memory with the building. But knowing this was his? Hope was unfurling dangerously in my chest. It was best for me to walk away, and the trio of misery partying in my stomach urged me to go and not look back, however hope was a tricky thing. I had questions just as he did. I wasn't sure I could answer his yet, even if I wanted to desperately to allow someone in.

His gaze fell on me once again as he slid the glass my way, tension coiling in my chest was the only response.

"The day you told me you were leaving we were driving out here, do you remember?" His voice was soft, almost a whisper as he spoke. I nodded in response, lifting the glass to my lips. The cool liquid quelling some of the anxiety sweeping through my body.

"I'd been saving up for as long as I could remember for something and you came along and I knew what I'd been saving for. I used the money to purchase an acre of land. I barely made it, but I did. The plans for this place had been drawn up and I wanted to show you that night. I wanted you to see that I planned on a future with you, just as I had promised; it was my way of proving it was more than just thoughtless words. I hauled you out here that night, nervous as all get out -" he paused, pulling his gaze away from me as he fell into memories of the night I walked away from him toward a future that I hadn't known would scar me for life. His silence stretched on for a few moments, making me nervous. What was he going to say?

"Cade?"

"I was going to ask you to marry me, December."

My heart stopped right in that moment. He was going to propose that night? My hands began to shake and I placed the glass down on the counter in fear of dropping it.

"I was going to sell the land back when you left, there was no reason to build us a home if there was no longer an us but something deep down told me not to. An instinct, gut feeling, something was telling me to continue with the plans I had. And so I did."

Blood rushed in my ears nearly drowning out his words. The burn of tears threatened.

"It's a lot to take in December," he sighed running a hand roughly through his dark hair. "But something told me you'd come back and now, well, now something is saying you're not all the way here."

Had it been so clear to him?

"Whatever it is, December, come to me."

But even with those words, I could sense that he doubted I would. Just as certain as I knew that I wouldn't. No one knew about my past with Eric, and speaking to anyone, especially him would make it even more real than it already was. Even though I ached with longing to say something, I didn't want to relive it. Sensing the hesitation within me Cade placed his own glass down and walked around the island to where I stood, his muscular frame only inches from me. I could feel his warmth, smell the heady scent of his cologne mingled with a tinge of something that would forever cling to him. Gently, his hand reached toward me, enough to give me time to move away, and he placed his rough palm against my cheek. My eyes closed while I savored the feeling. It had been so long since I'd let anyone touch me, let alone a man.

"December, whatever is weighing you down, please let me help. You were brought back to Red Mire for a reason, and I'm damn sure it's God's intent just as it is mine to have you here for me. Please... do not harbor this burden alone. Let me love you, support you. Let me help you. You're not alone anymore, and you won't ever be as long as you let me be by your side."