Reviving December

Baby's Gotten Good at Goodbye

Mostly a filler but I wanted y'all to get a peek into Cade's mind on the night December left. Y'all enjoy!

Cade

The soft crooning of King George sailed through the speakers of my truck as I drove through the field, a thick tension hanging between us. Normally, it wasn't like this. December would talk non stop about a project she was working on, or some supplies she'd just gotten in from one of the big cities, however tonight she was silent; sitting there gnawing on her bottom lip, not even bothering to ask where we were going. I wondered what was on her mind briefly, but I knew my December, she would tell me. It was likely just excitement mingled with a little sadness at the fact that high school was officially over for us, having attended our graduation ceremony only hours earlier. I'd been anxious to get this day over with for numerous reasons. My own stomach was in knots the further into the field that we went, closer to the spot marked off for a plan. I wanted to just blurt out what was on my mind, ask her before we reached our destination and show her after, but I wanted her to know that this was more than a question. It was a promise.
We were less than five minutes from the end of our road trip when she spoke up, her soft words hesitant. Words so soft I almost hadn't heard them the first time. My mind went blank as an initial response.

"What do you mean, you're leaving?" I asked dumbly, fingers gripping the steering wheel to try and hide the shaking. She looked over at me, eyes filled with sorrow yet determination as she began to explain why she had to leave this town. With each word, the pain in my chest blossomed fully and the hope began to die. Her blue - grey eyes swirled with yearning and all I could think about was the ring sitting in my pocket and the plans for our home in the glove compartment, waiting for only one word from her lips. It seemed I wasn't going to get that, either. I had always known December wanted more from life, however, I had never expected those wants to take her out of Red Mire permanently.

"I'm so sorry, Cade."  I could see that she was, her lip trembled when she stayed silent, her face was flush and those eyes sparkled with tears yet to be shed. Instinctively I reached across the seat of my truck and pulled her body into mine, wondering if this was one of the last times I'd see December. I wanted to ask when she was leaving me — but that question would only further hurt her. She was stiff for a moment before she melted into my chest. My heart ached for her with each tear that I could feel seeping through my T-shirt.

"When do you leave?" It was an answer I was both desperate to know and dreaded hearing. It made this real and absolute. I knew she wasn't going to change her mind. I wanted to beg her to stay, or let me go with her, but it wouldn't be fair to her. December deserved the world.

"Tonight." She mumbled, pulling out of my arms to look me straight in the face, a grave expression changing the soft quality that tears had given her.

My heart stopped. Air ceased to enter my lungs, blood stopped moving through my veins. For all I knew the world stopped spinning. Why did it have to be tonight? One more night with this woman, the one I was immeasurably in love with, was all I wanted.
 
*

The silence was even more tense than before as we drove back to her house, both of us retreating to our own thoughts. There was a dull ache that settled both in my heart and in the base of my skull, more than likely from fighting the tears I could feel collecting in my eyes. I wouldn't show her just how much this hurt. I wanted more than anything her happiness, and if it meant leaving Red Mire — and ultimately leaving me, I would do nothing but support her.

Deep down I had to ask myself if she was going to come back, wonder if she was going to settle for a life in a city far away and find another life for herself, but something told me not to give up. Not to pawn the ring, burn the plans and sell the land no matter how much the pain got to me.

Her house was finally in sight when she spoke, trembling words that barely carried on the thick heat.

"I love you, Cade." And I didn't question it, no matter what. I knew December loved me, as much as I loved her. It was why she wasn't asking me to go and I wasn't asking her to stay. Because it wasn't fair to either of us.

"I love you, too."  My words were equally as soft and wouldn't have been heard had she not scooted closer and wrapped her arms around me. I felt whole yet gaping as we sat there, looking at the vehicles in her driveway in silence.

"I should go." She mumbled finally, nearly thirty minutes later. I didn't respond, didn't need to. We both knew what we were facing. The end of a life we'd built through the years, even as young as we were. Before she could pull fully out of my arms, my hand caught her chin, tilting it up toward my face. Her grey eyes swam with emotions she was trying to fight, my own likely mirroring the same. Instead of words, I leaned down and captured her lips with my own, telling her goodbye and taking my own from her. It was seconds but felt like years later that we parted and she slid out of my truck, and I almost felt like out of my life.

Somehow, I knew two things for sure; that's December Dixon was the woman I'd always love and one day marry, and two, I would remember that kiss until the day I met my maker.