Leviticus 20:13

One Chance To Be A Father

John POV: The sun was already setting as John made his way to the hospital, driving through the dark deserted roads as fast as legally possible (and then some) to make it there before Rosie went to sleep. He hadn't been able to talk to his daughter much these past couple of days, it had been becoming increasingly difficult to catch her at a convenient time, and even though she spent most of her time laying around in her room John always seemed to arrive at the time she was due to get X-Rays or medications or checkups. He had been spending most of his time waiting around in the waiting rooms and reading the game show subtitles, reading their Time magazines over and over again, and drinking stale watery coffee while he waited for Rosie to finish up. His meals had mostly consisted of hospital food from the cafeteria, which, although it wasn't all that bad, was becoming increasingly depressing. He didn't want to have to eat portioned mashed potatoes and a sliver of roast beef on a blue cafeteria tray, he wanted to take his daughter out to eat to a fancy restaurant, or simply to a drive through to get her a toy with her tiny dinner. He wanted to see Rosie outside of the hospital, he wanted her to come home so that he would have the chance to tuck her in at night and read her a bedtime story. He just wanted to talk to her for more than ten minutes without a nurse poking her head in and interrupting, was that too much to ask! Had they all just decided to deprive him of his fatherhood a month before it expired? And now of course it was nearly six o'clock and he was only just leaving the comfort of his terrible work to speed over to the hospital to get one little hello in and then drive the same distance back just to mope and whine about how difficult his life was becoming. John had been taking on extra shifts at the diner in hopes that he could make a bit more money before his world suddenly stopped turning. When the final medical bills arrived John wanted to have some money tucked under the mattress just in case they took everything he had and more. Of course as much as he wanted to pay a hospital that acted as a glorified prison he wanted to be able to eat as well, and some extra cash would be good for getting one dollar pity meals at McDonald's to eat in the depressing darkness of his eternally empty home. When John finally arrived at the hospital it was around six thirty and yet he wasted no time finding a suitable parking space and jumping eagerly out of the car. He raced inside, simply nodding his head at the secretary and dashing up to Rosie's room, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw that it was open. So she was awake. John slowed down a little bit, pausing in the hallway to catch his breath before he opened the door ever so softly, trying to make sure that Rosie was indeed awake before he rudely barged in and made a lot of noise. However he saw those shining eyes from across the room, and Rosie gave a little squeak of excitement at seeing her father again.
"I was afraid you were going to be asleep." John admitted with a smile, closing the door with a snap and walking over to where his daughter lay. She was looking very sickly, her cheeks were getting paler every day and her eyes were looking rather sunken in, almost looking like she hadn't eaten for a while. It was difficult for John to see his daughter like this, or what remained of her at least, but in the end he was just happy to see her awake.
"Bedtime isn't for another two hours; you've got plenty of time." Rosie assured in a bit of a croaky voice, sitting dormant in her bed as if she hadn't the strength to move or give her father a hug. So instead John kissed her on the forehead, pulling up a chair and watching as she rearranged herself to face him.
"I came down here as fast as I could, I haven't seen you much this week at all." John admitted in a soft voice, looking softly at his daughter and trying to imprint the image of her smile into his head for the rest of his lonely life. Surely that smile was the most beautiful thing on earth, and yet he knew that it wouldn't be long until he never saw it again.
"I've been busy, it's alright." Rosie assured, leaning back into her stack of pillows and smiling once more.
"Well of course it's not alright, I miss you Rosie. And I'm sure you...well, I won't worry you about that now." John muttered finally, deciding that bringing up their ever approaching deadline would only ruin their evening together.
"I miss you too." Rosie agreed with a little frown, as if suddenly realizing just how lonely she had grown to be over the past couple of days.
"Ah, it's Mr. Bear." John observed happily, seeing one of his old stuffed animals poking out of the blankets on Rosie's bed. She smiled proudly, digging the old thing out of his hiding place and displaying him proudly.
"Mr. Bear has been very good company." Rosie assured, making the bear nod with a twitch of her fingers and making John laugh.
"Well he's always been, certainly. You remember that he was once mine, right? When I was little?" John pointed out, and Rosie nodded in agreement.
"I remember Daddy; you said that you got him when you were my age." She assured. John nodded sadly, looking upon the very beat up looking bear that Rosie only cuddled because it reminded her of her father, and therefore was his temporary replacement while she slept here in the cold, lonely hospital.
"Ya I did. My mother got him for me for my birthday." John agreed rather distantly, trying to remember all the way back to when he was a little kid, hugging that brand new bear excitedly. They weren't very wealthy growing up, so Mr. Bear had been John's first official stuffed animal, or at least his first new one. That bear had gone everywhere with him, and now it lay in Rosie's hospital bed with her like the dedicated friend he had always proved himself to be.
"Well you can have it back, if you want it." Rosie offered quickly, as if she felt bad for keeping the bear with her when John was lonely as well.
"Oh no, no of course not Rosie, he's yours now." John assured flatly, and Rosie just smiled thankfully.
"I made a friend today." She said proudly, changing the subject as she held the bear close to her chest with her thin little arms.
"Oh really? Who is it?" John wondered with a smile. Rosie giggled a little bit, looking very mischievous as she watched her dad's curiosity grow.
"It's actually a boy, his name is Archie. He's in the room three doors down from me, and he's seven years old." Rosie said proudly. John made an effort to look offended, like she ultimately expected him to be when a boy was involved, however he was thrilled to hear that Rosie was making friends around here. At least he was sure that she wasn't totally lonely around here.
"You're talking to boys without asking me? Is he nice? Who are his parents? Is he smart? Where does he go to school?" John asked rapidly, making Rosie giggle as he shot of useless questions that he obviously didn't expect the answer to. He knew that Rosie wouldn't have much of an opportunity to go on dates, so John decided that he ought to play to the protective father while he still could.
"He's very nice, and funny. I think he likes me too." Rosie added with a little giggle.
"Oh does he now?" John asked in a falsely aggressive voice, looking over to the door with a sort of glare in his eyes that was enough to make Rosie giggle uncontrollably.
"I don't like him back, boys are gross!" Rosie exclaimed in a very unconvincing voice, however she kept on giggling, as if something that they had said was becoming increasingly funny to her.
"They certainly are gross." John agreed with a smile. At least he was able to teach her one of the basic concepts of life while he could.
"Is mommy ever going to come and see me?" Rosie asked, turning the conversation completely around and bringing the mood down tremendously. John's heart sank and it was all he could do but avoid eye contact with his daughter, hoping to avoid the hope in her eyes and the disappointment that would soon take its place.
"No Rosie, mommy's not coming back." John repeated for the millionth time, his voice cracking emotionally as he realized that Mary was still out there somewhere. He treated his wife's memory as something more of a fantasy, like she had died instead of simply walked away. Somehow he convinced himself to cherish the moments he had with Mary, and yet in times like this, when their daughter was asking about her, he was ultimately disgusted by Mary's absence. She was out there somewhere, living her life, most likely with another man, while her old family sat and suffered in solitude. Mary was never going to get the opportunity to say goodbye to her daughter but then again, that was why she had left, wasn't it? So that she never had to know when she ceased to be a mother. And John had to sit here and juggle everything on his own, he had to suffer as a single father, he had to mourn as a lonely man, and he had to pay for everything out of his own pocket with the meager money he made from working behind a grill. But he wouldn't complain, surely he wasn't going to complain now. Rosie was still here, he was still a father and he was still happy. He would pay any price to get his daughter well again, he would do anything it took to maintain and preserve her life as long as possible regardless of how poor he would become when it was all over. She was worth it, she was worth everything.