Winter 1978
"You want another cupcake honey?" we've been visiting Connor for weeks, brining him toys and treats and new clothes each time we come. He's still nervous around us but he'll let Stevie hold him in her lap for a while and he gives me high fives, today he's had about a half dozen chocolate cupcakes and keep running back to Stevie for more. The caregivers might not be appreciative of us sugaring him up but who cares, after what he's been through he deserves cake. He deservers a lot more than cake. He makes his Ooo sound reaching for Stevie. She holds her finger up using the signs we learned in class to ask if he wants one. He fidgets then reluctantly signs back "Yes, please". It's progress, slow and difficult. But progress none the less.
He's had to do it each time and each time he communicates easier "He won't want any supper if we keep it up Angel" Stevie's fingers entwine with my own while Connor downs his seventh cupcake "Wouldn't it be nice if we could take him home and feed him supper Linds? If he could stay with us for a few days even just over the weekend" and what sacrifice her house party with Rod Stewart and Heart? That's an ugly thought and I banish it as soon as it comes, she's given up her rock and roll life style as quickly as she took to it ever since Connor came back into our lives. She loves being an entertainer, but she loves even more being a mother.
"Maybe we could ask the social worker if that's possible, I don't see why we couldn't" aside from never bringing him back again ever-only kidding. Sort of. Finished with his sweet Connor pulls on Stevie's arm pointing toward the sand box, she's his new best buddy and she loves every minute of it. The social worker told me he was more fearful around men and it shows, he relates to me less and visibly shrinks whenever I walk to close to him or Stevie. I don't want to ask too many questions about that, my gut tells me the answer won't be pretty.
Thinking for just a moment Stevie moves her hands again forming more signs, she's taken to ASL better than I have. It's an expressive language and she's an expressive woman and I love her for that "Do you want to build a sandcastle?" he signs yes then pulls her arm again, stopping him she signs again "Can you ask to build a sandcastle?" he bites his bottom lip slowly forming a series of signs "Sandcastle make I want" smiling Stevie tousles his curls letting him lead her toward the little playscape "Come on Lindsey!"
Jumping up I chase after them grabbing buckets and utensils as we start to build a grand sandcastle together. Bushed and stuffed full of snacks Connor falls asleep an hour later, in a rare moment I'm allowed to carry him back to the pavilion where Verena Stone waits patiently for us to return "We're a bit late, sorry" she moves a lock of her hair behind her ear sitting on the couch across from us "Have a seat, I wanted to touch base with you two on a few things" my heart sinks. This is it. No more visits...
"For starters Hunter's improvement is astounding, I've seen children from similar homes fail to adapt to others and it's not usually a pretty sight. Thank you for that-as to your visits with him. I'm afraid the administration is uneasy having celebrities around the place, and they feel like the other children might be upset with the special treatment Hunter is being shown by you two" of course, nothing can go smoothly in our lives even when we try and right a wrong.
"What if we donated toys to the other children, or clothes. Really money isn't an issue" I can sense desperation in Stevie's tone. She feels like Connor's being taken from her again and she's already fighting it "I'll be honest with you Ms. Nicks, if it were up to me Hunter could go home with you two tonight. You obviously love him, and you loved him enough to keep searching for him after all this time. He's grown attached to you that much is obvious, his little eyes light up whenever I tell him Lindsey and Stevie are coming to visit" sleepily Connor shifts in my arms then sighs.
