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"Connor, which one do you want baby? You want chocolate moo moo or strawberry?" again no response, our little boy paying more attention to the lettered blocks in his hand "Here" taking the bottle from Stevie I direct Connor's attention to it with my finger, he brightens reaching for the bottle. Taking the chocolate powder and the strawberry I hold them up opening the lid for him to see the colored powder. He grabs the strawberry making a soft "Oo" noise. Stevie's face falls her shoulders slumping at the exchange. I've been trying not to hurt her, to keep my suspicions to myself but it can't really be denied at this point.
Connor can't hear us, I don't think he can hear anything at all. Even shouting right next to him illicit no response. Stevie's arms cross as she stirs up the flavored milk for his snack, taking some crackers out to dip inside the milk "Stevie...I think we should take him to see a doctor" she sniffles bringing the snack to the table "Why? So they can poke him, and prod at him? He's fine Lindsey-he's just-he's just a little different" yeah, different. As in deaf, as in substantially physically disabled.
"Stevie he needs to be tested, so we can be sure so we know how to take care of him! There's only so long I can keep pointing to things, what are we going to do when he gets big enough to go to school?" for the first time in months anger courses through my fiance her hands slamming down on the counter "God Damnit! God damnit..." she's warm against my chest as I hold her to me, kissing away her tears. Connor is completely un-phased by her outburst "Hey, hey look at me angel. He's still our little boy, he's still our baby. He just might need some more help than other kids that's all"
Knowing that he might be deaf, that he probably is deaf is concerning. It's downright scary actually, but not because I'm afraid of him. I'm afraid for him, we have no idea what he needs and no way of asking him. When he's older he'll be able to communicate better but for now, the pointing game and our best guesses are all we can do "What did I do wrong...how did he turn out like this?" growling I plant a kiss on Stevie's forehead "You didn't do anything angel, he was born like this. "slowly she nods against my chest watching with wet eyes as he places his hand on the table top then to his bottle.
Stevie finishes feeding Connor his snack, her eyes scrutinizing his ears most likely without much conscious thought. How does one find a doctor who specializes in this stuff, his pediatrician I suppose could give us a recommendation. I make the call myself setting our appointment for in the morning. We should be able to get to the bottom of things then. On my return Stevie's got Connor in the kitchen sink giving him a bath, his arms splash at the shallow water sending soap suds all over the counter. Our circumstances notwithstanding the scene brings a smile to my face and I join them.
After bath time Connor sits in Stevie's lap on our new bed, she's got an Elvis record going. Feeling more optimistic than I did before I sit behind Stevie holding her and Connor in my arms while I sing, dropping my voice to its lowest octave to stay in key.
"Wise men, say. Only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with, you
Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?
For I, can't help falling in love with you"
Something happens that I don't expect, Connor sits up turning toward me, he wiggles in Stevie's arms fussing until he can lay his head against my chest his hand landing on my throat. It hits me, just like when I play guitar or bass he can feel the vibrations. He may not be able to hear that I'm singing but he can feel it. Trying to keep the stupid smile from my face I kiss his temple and Stevie's hair as I continue.
