Autistic in Wonderland

Do you realize what you are saying?

I'm not sure if I spoke about empathy but maybe I'll just write down some thoughts I have. You see, people think I can be some social butterfly. If something bothers me then I can tell that person but what they don't realize is that I can't.

It's almost like some warning pops up preventing me from doing it. You know like there is something not there that prevents me from it. Yet it's much easier if I can tell someone else but not the person who started it.

I guess I fear that the person will get angry or start trouble. For me, it's like I feel there is a huge ninety-five percent chance that the person will get the wrong idea. When I do say something, then I feel like a fool when everyone starts going against me.

I dwell on it for a long time and those feelings of guilt and being wrong don't leave me alone. People don't really get how hard it is for me when I feel this way. It's like the word retard. I really can't stand that word and how it's used in society.

I have several varying developmental and learning delays that make it difficult for me to do things such as cooking, cleaning, holding a job... and probably other things I can't name right now. People just don't understand how much I hate that word.

I mean if you couldn't already tell, I am a writer of expression. I can express myself through writing in a way that surprises and even inspires other people. Yet you use words like, 'omg that person is retarded' or 'why are they such a retard?' and more famous 'that's retarded'.

By doing that you compare someone or something that is dumb or stupid as retarded. Like it's as if you saw a bird fly into window and you laugh with your friends saying how retarded the bird was.

Basically, you compared someone, not just like me but others, to the bird that flew into the window, when you really mean the bird is stupid you say it's retarded, do you realize how much that bothers a person?

I men look at all the things I have written in this book and tell me, do I seem dumb or stupid to you? Why do you compare me to that bird you just called retarded? Do you think I'm stupid enough to do what the bird did?

Yeah, see what happened there? You should think about what you are saying before you even say it. Because words like that really make me angry. I don't speak just for myself but I speak for all of the friends I've had who have had varying disabilities.