The Drugs Won't Help Book. 2

Ch. 16

Missing.

The word echoed through Tyler's head constantly. It made it hard to sleep or work or do much of anything.

It had been a week since the police department had officially labeled Sebastian Ness as missing. At this point it was believed by many that the boy was dead. No one had seen him. He had simply just disappeared.

Cody was staying in LA until anything was confirmed. Tyler had talked to him a few times, but both of them knew nothing.

Jenny was the most involved in the search and was constantly yelling at Tyler to get off his ass. She had known Sebastian the least amount of time yet she seemed to care the most.

Wyatt was fine as far as Tyler could tell, but maybe it was because he was always stoned and didn't think of much else.

Jessie and Gabe weren't involved much except for the occasional words of comfort. Tyler couldn't blame them though​, they had a baby on the way.

The furthest they had gotten as far as a case was Kyle. He hadn't known much and seemed to be just as worried as the rest of them. It was like Sebastian had just disappeared right from under his nose.

Tyler was sure he knew who to blame. Jamie was always causing trouble, ever since day one. However the police said they had spoken with him and had no reason to believe he was involved.

So for now Tyler had to sit and worry. At this point he didn't care if they found him dead. He just needed closure.

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Sebastian woke with a headache. It was the first morning he had woken up sober in a week and it was worse than he thought it would be.

Guilt and self hate all mixed together in his head and that's all he could feel.

He rolled up from the bed, throwing the sheets off his naked body and rubbed his sleepy eyes with boney fingers. The cuts on his wrists were healed, but not gone. He hadn't self harmed all week because he wouldn't have felt anything anyway because of the strong drugs in his system. Plus Jamie said he would be mad if he found fresh marks on his body.

There was a note on the nightstand and he picked it up. It was from Jamie.

Had work today. Don't know if I'll be home. Food in fridge make sure to eat. Love you, Baby Boy.
                                              Love, J

Great. That meant no drugs till then. He sighed and stood up shakily.

The bathroom tile was cold on his bare feet even though the air in the house was warm. He caught his own reflection in the mirror and almost didn't recognize it. His checks were hallow and the skin around his eyes was dark. If he was skinny before it was clearly worse now. His hip bones stuck out and his collar bones and ribs were painfully visible.

Not only that, bruises and hickeys covered his body. Handprints from were Jamie had grabbed him too hard and spots that Jamie had worked on for hours claiming they had to be perfect. He hated every mark that hadn't been put there by his own control.

It doesn't matter anymore. It's either this or death. Jamie loves you, he said so.

Almost robotically he walked to the large bathtub and started the water, putting it on the hottest it would go. The water stung his skin when he climbed in and he scrubbed his body till it was raw.

He spent enough time in the bath that his fingers turned pruney and the water went cold. Even then he had little modivation to get out. Finally getting out he didn't bother to dry off before throwing on nothing more than a pain t-shirt.

After his bath he made himself a sandwich, but only so he could say he ate and Jamie would be happy. He stood by the trust can and took a bite of the sandwich, chewed it, and spit it out. He repeated that until about half the sandwich was gone and set the rest on the counter.

The TV in the living room was giant and Sebastian turned it on, not bothering to change the channel he just watched the first thing that came on. Which just so happened to be the movie We Have To Talk About Kevin, which made him instantly feel so much worse.

He shut the TV off and buried his head in his hands. Maybe one cut would be fine. Jamie wouldn't even notice.

Finally making up his mind he went to the part of the house that he knew there was something to do the job.

Jamie's bedroom housed all his things of importance, including his knives.

After finding the sharpest one Sebastian held it hesitently to his thigh. Whatever. He though to himself before making the first cut. It hurt, but it also made him feel lighter somehow. He did it again and again, six times before he decided that was enough.

Looking down at his bloody leg he realized that it was way more obvious than he had originally thought it was going to be.

Cleaning the knife on his shirt he didn't even bother climbing up on the bed and just laid on the carpet behind the bed. Jamie wouldn't see him right away, but maybe that would be better.

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There was no warning for Sebastian when Jamie came home a few hours later. Not realizing how much he had been bleeding the cuts had drained him a lot and he had slept long than expected.

The next thing he knew he was being pulled harshly up from the floor.

"WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT IS THIS?!" Jamie grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard.

"I-I'm S-sorry." He didn't even care that he was showing fear.

Jamie shoved him harshly and Sebastian stumbled and hit his shoulder on the edge of the dresser before falling. He cried out loudly as Jamie continued to tell at him for doing something so stupid.

"If you want to kill yourself don't do it in my house! Clean yourself up!" He marched out the door in a blind rage. Leave Sebastian sniffling on the floor.

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About an hour later Jamie came back into the bedroom, after Sebastian had cleaned up all his wounds. He was laying on the bed in a ball just starting blankly at the wall.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Baby. I love you, it wont happen again. Do you forgive me?" Jamie sat on the edge of the bed. Sebastian didn't answer right away. That was a big mistake. "Don't you dare ignore me!" Jamie grabbed him but the arm and pulled him up into a sitting position. "I said I'm sorry!"

"I-I forgive you." Sebastian said quietly.

"Good, but I don't forgive you for scaring me. So I'm not giving you anything tonight. It's because I love you."

No drugs? I need them, Jamie.

That's what he thought, but he wasn't about to say it out loud.

Why not? You've gotten weak. You let him take over.

Sebastian felt nauseous all at once. What was he doing letting someone manipulate him like this?

Quickly he stood up from the bed and ran to the bathroom. Since he hadn't eaten in a few days nothing came up and he dry heaved into the toilet. He wished then that he had eaten earlier.

Jamie didn't come in after him. Sebastian knew he wouldn't, he more than likely had left the room already.

Sebastian leaned his forehead against the cold porcelain of the toilet and took a few heavy breathes. This was fine. He was in a house. With food, drugs occasionally and someone who cared at least a little. It was all he needed.