Boys. One word to describe what's on every teenage girls mind. Well one word to describe what's on my mind anyway. Since I was in preschool I've always been interested in boys. Now those relationships didn't really count because, well... I was 4 and I had no idea what a real relationship was. Now I'm 15, almost 16 wishing I was 4 again. When I was 4 everything was so much less complicated, boys were more concerned about who got the last cookie at snack time. Now boys are more concerned about sex and drugs and drinking. Anyway, the main point is, boys suck. Every boy I've ever had the slightest interest in proved to me that he was a jerk, not committed enough, too committed, too frustrating, too confusing and the list can go on and on. Now I know it's not only their fault, it's mine too. I get attached way too easily and then when things don't go my way I flee. I'm too moody and my expectations are way too high. I want things to go my way and when they don't, I get disappointed when I know I shouldn't because it was never going to work out anyway.
Stella, what have you done with your life? Screwed it up royally, that's what I've done. On top of boys, I've got friends, family, work and exams to worry about. But summer will be here soon and then hopefully everything will go back to the way it was last summer, before my boy craze happened. Sometimes I wish I could just erase this past year and start it all over again... but then I wouldn't have gotten closer to him. Maybe that's a good thing, and maybe it's not. In the end I did get close to him... I got close to a few guys. I'm not proud of it, I'm definitely not proud of it. If only I could go back to where it all started...
