Chasing Pavements ─ Tom Holland

36| SAD BEAUTIFUL TRAGIC

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SEBASTIAN drove his car very quickly to their rental apartment after finding out the news – he honestly had never been this scared for his sister before. Ivory still had not recovered from the pain of the cancellation of her marriage let alone seeing the picture. God knows what she would do if she ever saw the picture. Sebastian didn't want to think anything bad, but in a situation like this, it was natural that he automatically worried about his sister's safety, considering she wouldn't repose on her best mind at all.

The smouldering anger was still embedded inside his body and he was extremely desperate to get it out – however, for Ivory's sake he had to put aside all that emotion because even though he really wanted to confront Luke and Leighton, he needed to make sure Ivory was okay first. Their mother had told him that she was trying to call Ivory, but Ivory didn't answer any of her calls and it made them even more anxious.

There was a profound wound that lacerated her heart and perfectly ruined herself inside, which he or even their parents could not heal it with mere words. Ivory was not the kind of girl who easily gave up, but saw her suffering greatly after what happened with her love life, Sebastian doubted she would get out of the world just fine.

The moment Sebastian arrived at the apartment building, he parked his car recklessly, not giving a care if it was a parking spot or not. He ran past the elevator and instead used the emergency staircase to reach their floor, observing a lot of people queuing up to get into the elevator and he literally did not have the time to wait. Once he stood in front of the door, he dug inside his pocket for the key. It took him several attempts to open the door because his trembling hand rendered him a slight trouble to get in easily, but nevertheless he made it inside.

The first sight of their shared apartment nearly made Sebastian's heart drop – no wonder since all of Ivory and Luke's framed photos were scattered on the floor, dehiscent. Their apartment was literally like a wrecked ship, every hard object was dropped to the floor and pieces of shattered glass could be found in every corner of the room. Sebastian honestly could care less about it, he didn't care how much money he needed to spend to compensate for the damage as long as he could find his little sister still in a good shape.

"Ivory?" Sebastian called, but got no response. He swallowed the lump in his throat and made his way to Ivory's room since he noticed the door of her room was wide open.

When Sebastian saw no sign of her anywhere in the room, he immediately walked to the bathroom. Oh how surprised he was with the scenery before him. There was Ivory in the tub – a bottle of whiskey clutched in her hand, but it wasn't all that surprised him, the fact that Ivory was wearing her wedding gown at this very moment made him manage to apprehend the affliction she felt. Sebastian could feel tears almost suffusing his eyesight, but he instantly took a deep shaky breath and convinced himself that he had to be strong for his sister before he crouched down in front of her.

"Ivory." Sebastian called once again to get her attention and reached to grab her cold hand. "Cupcake, hey. I'm here."

Ivory was immensely hurt, immensely disappointed, immensely wrathful until she had no intensity left inside her to respond everything. No tears came out since she landed her eyes on Luke's post, but surely she felt numb. She didn't know what she was doing wrong, why she deserved this kind of agony, what Luke found in Leighton that she didn't have – she desperately wanted to know the reason why it didn't work out for them. Ivory loved Luke so much, but she couldn't do anything to stop their engagement. She was a nobody now, an ex-girlfriend that apparently found it hard to move on. The only thing that reminded her that she had been on the route to the absolute happiness was just this wedding gown.

"Ivory, please. . ." Sebastian said in plea, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "Talk to me, say something – anything."

A nagging voice behind Ivory's mind invaded her entire brain to stop neglecting her closest people even though she was in great torment. Especially her parents, Sebastian and her friends. Because she realized the key to forget everything – to make herself whole again was them. She needed to share her pain with someone instead of burying it alone, it was the last thing she could do to ease herself.

"I can't hate him." Ivory eventually gathered herself together and began to speak, her voice sounding tremendously broken and void. "I should hate him and get angry, but even with all my efforts, I can't hate him – that bastard doesn't love me because he ruined my life. He doesn't love me because until now, the person he loves is still Leighton. He was using me only for a mere get-away. He was playing with an easy, foolish girl who depended her entire soul on the epitome of a happy ending. I'd love to hate him, but I can't – I don't have the capacity to reach that phase. So, I was thinking, no, I decided I would not hate him, but I need to forget him for good. Because if he wants me, he will say it. If he cares, he will show it. That's why I wore this wedding gown to remind me of the moment I realized I loved Luke for one last time. I did it well, right? I did it very well, right?"

"Yes." Sebastian replied briefly, wiping the tears on his cheeks swiftly. "You've really grown up now, Ivy."

Seeing that Ivory could get a fever because she was literally sojourn for too long in the water, Sebastian immediately stood up and invited herself to get out of the tub. Ivory surprisingly obeyed him and grabbed his hand for dear life. She almost tripped, but Sebastian steadied herself before taking off his jacket and placing it on her. He guided her slowly to her bedroom, but Ivory suddenly stopped midway and leaned against the wall. The next thing happened completely catch him off guard as Ivory's shoulders began to shudder – before he knew it Ivory slid down the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Sebastian instantly kneeled down in front of her and brought her into his arms, embracing her as tight as he could to remind her that he was there and he wouldn't go anywhere. Ivory automatically wrapped her arms around him as she finally released all her pent-up feelings and cried altogether. "But, what – what should I do, Sebastian? I lost my first love to another woman. What should I do–? I miss him, Sebastian. I really, really miss him."

"It's okay. It's going to be okay, Ivy. Remember Mom's words? Don't waste your time looking back on what you've lost. Move on, cupcake, for life is not meant to be traveled backwards. I know it's really hard to forget someone who gave you a lot to remember, but you have to try, okay?" Sebastian encouraged, rubbing her back gently as Ivory continued to cry harder. "Please try, my little Ivy, because it hurts me as well to see you in so much pain like this."

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