Wicked Hunger

Wicked Hunger Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Worth the Risk

As soon as we get home and shake off the disturbing experience of visiting Oscar, Zander corners me about Noah. Zander is always pretty protective of me, for good reason, so his reaction doesn’t surprise me. His questions range from whether or not my hunger reacts to Noah to why I didn’t try to get out of working with him, and just to be safe. It takes a while to convince him that working on an English project won’t put either me or Noah at risk. Not mentioning the Jeet Kune Do is key to making that argument work. I feel a little guilty leaving that out, but I figure Zander is hardly the one to judge me about keeping secrets right now. The last question Zander asks is whether or not I actually like Noah.

His last question is hard to answer. Already strung out after seeing Oscar, not to mention angry at Zander for seeking out Ivy, I can’t really say how I feel. If Noah honestly wants to hang out with no hidden agenda, well, that’s pretty hard to resist. He’s certainly handsome and he seems like a nice guy, but every time I think I might be starting to like him, Ketchup pops into my head. I just don’t know yet.

Before leaving, Zander warns me to be careful. His reminder that my birthday is only a few months away is hardly needed, though. It’s been on my mind constantly. I remember all too well both him and Oscar reaching their sixteenth birthdays. Emotionally, they were wrecks. Hunger-wise, they were even worse off. Their desires would be manageable one moment, then flaring into an inferno the next. They were dangerous to be around.

I wasn’t allowed to see them during that time. Even Mom and Dad tried to stay away as much as possible. Oscar had to be sent away for a while after our dog and several of the neighbors’ dogs went missing. Dad slipped on the stairs and twisted his ankle shortly after Zander turned sixteen. Even such a small amount of pain was too much for him to handle. It took me and Oscar to pull him off of Dad.

After that, Zander locked himself in his room and refused to see anyone. He became a total recluse until things calmed down. Oscar handled the changes differently, but I push those kinds of thoughts away before they can really develop.

I spend the rest of the night in my room thinking about everything I don’t want to deal with right now. Noah is a problem, not only because of my confusion over him, but because he expects me to try something I was expressly forbidden to participate in. I know my limits, and this may well be beyond them. The only reason Grandma ended up agreeing to Zander playing football was because of the way his hunger leans. Zander enjoys the chase. He feeds off the fear that leads up to the pain. His hunger can be patient. Mine can’t.

My sixteenth birthday scares me even more than thinking about Zander and Oscar because my hunger is by far the least controllable. I crave total pandemonium. The messier, the better. If I lose control, I really lose it. If I can’t handle practicing with Noah…I know the results won’t be good.

My phone sits on my desk patiently. It waits as if expecting me to use it, to call Noah and cancel. Logic begs me to do it. The allure of having a friend that I didn’t have to save in order to earn, one that wants to be around me just because, is too much. The phone remains unused for the rest of the night while I dream horrible dreams of losing control and mauling Noah as Ketchup looks on in fear and disgust.

Hours later, as I sit in the living room trying to focus on my homework, the images from my dreams keep popping back into my head. Tearing Noah apart is disturbing, but watching Ketchup turn his back on me is heartbreaking. It doesn’t help that no one else is around to distract me. Grandma is grocery shopping, and I have no idea where Zander went. He was gone when I woke up this morning. That is more than a little worrisome.