Across Acheron

Session 13

I remembered something.

The other memories were easier to talk to you about since they never really held much weight on my personality, if you get what I’m saying. But this memory dealt a lot with who I was, where I came from, and what happened to me. It freaked me the fuck out, to be honest. I didn’t like remembering things like that, so I kept it at the back of my mind until now.

It came back to me while I was dreaming, just like most of them usually did. I was dreaming about these killer cows moments before, but then suddenly I was back in East Eldon. The crops the cows were destroying morphed into a parking lot, the tall burning grass turning into a cute diner and the cows into laughing people with their families or dates, walking to their cars.

I stood staring at a particular couple sitting at an old wooden bench by the diner doors. One of them was an older man, probably in his late twenties, with perfectly coiffed blonde hair and a cigarette hanging between his lips. He wore designer jeans, dress shoes, and a nice shirt, causing him to stick out like a sore thumb.

The guy he was with, however, seemed like he belonged there. His brown hair was rowdy and unkempt, giving him more boyish features though I was sure he was older. He sported faded dark jeans and a grey sweater, the exact same outfit Cillian forced me into when I first opened my eyes.

The whole thing finally struck. That guy was me.

You would think that it would be creepy staring at your twenty-two year old self talk and laugh as if he was just another guy on the street. I didn’t feel that creeped out, though. I just had this hollow feeling that settled uncomfortably at the pit of my stomach, kind of like that feeling you get when you know something bad is going to happen in a movie.

I could tell that something bad was going to happen. It should’ve been expected, especially since it dealt with me. Even so, I couldn’t seem to look away from him. My mind began to work, pumping out past conversations and observations in attempt to fit the pieces together. Why was Cillian so scared when he first saw me? What was the reason behind the guilt in his eyes? Why did he want me in those exact clothes?

The word death kept thrumming at the back of my head, but I just didn’t want to believe it. Not yet, anyway. So instead, I kept staring at the twenty-two year old me, happily naive as he joked around with Cigarette. It was kind of sad and I sort of wished he would stop smiling. It made everything harder to take in.

Cigarette took Twenty-Two’s hand, holding it tenderly. I heard them clearly even though I stood a few feet away, swallowing hard when he asked, have you told your parents yet?

Twenty-Two shook his head. Of course he wouldn’t. He was just as much of a coward as I was, perhaps even greater. It pissed me off just looking at him. I finally knew how Cillian felt about me; I probably even understood him. If I were him, I would’ve cut me out of the family tree long before. I was nothing but shame and the family didn’t need that.

Twenty-Two had lost his smile, looking down at their entwined fingers dejectedly. Cigarette started talking about something stupid like running off and never telling anyone. He obviously had money, which he noted, so they could get an apartment or something outside of East Eldon and be happy. It was the most idiotic thing I had heard in a while, and I’m sure the past me thought so as well. He just couldn’t say it.

Twenty-Two gave off a short, distant laugh and shook his head again. Ma and Dad aren’t the ones I’m afraid of. They’d accept it soon enough. But Cillian...Cillian won’t have it. He won’t.

Cigarette started talking again, trying to comfort and coax him into his ‘flawless plan’. But Twenty-Two was already stuck knee high in the horror, too deep to even listen to what was spewing through the man’s lips. I could see it all on his face; he felt the pain before Cillian even hit him. Cillian didn’t even have to be there to make you feel like battered pancake mix. Just the thought of him could send you off with a black eye.