Ziall: These Feelings Called Love

Confusion

A/N: Okay, well, here's another chapter I guess.  I feel like I did a bit better on this one than the first, but who knows? (It still kinda sucks :P)  Sorry, but I did make Niall cut in this one :( It ties in with the rest of this fic....kinda...I'm still not sure how this is going to continue.  Anyways I was shocked, 21 reads?? Wow...I expected like 3, at most five xD So I really want to thank you!!! :D  Please Read and Review, and tell me what I should improve. Thanks again!~

Zayn's POV:

I wasn't sure why, or what exactly happened but before I knew it Niall's lips were on mine, in a passion filled kiss.

Was this really happening? I wasn't sure how to react...I mean I defiantly loved Niall, in a brotherly way, and I did feel more closely connected to him than the rest of the boys.  What confused me the most though was that I found kissing the Irish boy...enjoyable? No, more than that, I actually liked it...a lot.

As I tried to get my emotions sorted (which is actually very hard to do when you've had too much to drink.)  I noticed that Niall was the one kissing me.  I was not going to stand for that.  I flipped him on his back and started kissing him roughly as I pushed him harder into the living room rug.  He moaned softly, putting me over the edge.  I started tugging on that damn polo of his until I successfully got it up and over his head.

"Zayn...," he moaned, "I love you."

I immediately stopped kissing him.  Something inside me screamed to keep going, but I ignored it.  Did he really say he loved me...?

Niall looked up at me with hurt filled eyes.  

"Zayn, I'm sorry I didn't --"

"No," I cut him off.

"Fuck, Zayn, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I shouldnt've--" He started.

"No, I just...I'm not...," I tried to form a sentence.

Niall quickly got out from beneath me and ran up the stairs muttering more 'I'm sorrys'.  A few seconds later I heard the sound of his door closing.

What have I done?

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Niall's POV:

Was I drunk? Yes.  Was I making a stupid decision? Yes.  Should I stop? Yes.  Could I stop? Probably not.

I looked down at the razor in my hand, and the blood from the fresh cuts running down my arm.  I had been doing this way to much lately.  I leaned my head against the door frame.  What was I going to do? Zayn hated me, the only person I had ever truly loved, hated me just because I couldn't control my stupid feelings.  God, I was pathetic.

The thought of loosing Zayn forever crept inside my mind again and I felt another wave of hot tears run down my cheeks.

I lifted the razor to my wrist and pressed down, giving me some relief. I watched as the blood collected then ran down my palm to join the puddle now forming on the perfectly polished wood floor.

After I'd done it I felt a pang of regret.  What would the guys think if they saw me right now?  What would Zayn think?  He probably wouldn't care.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I scrambeld, trying to clean up my mess before Zayn passed my room.

"Niall?" Zayn asked as he knocked on my door.

"DON'T COME IN!" I yelled.

"Niall?? What's going on? What are you doing in there? I need to talk to you!" Zayn exclaimed 

"GO AWAY!" I screamed.

I heard the sound of my door knob turning, noticing that it was locked, Zayn walked away.  Then, all of a sudden there was a huge BAM! as someone ran into my door, forcefully pushing it open.

I flew forwards landing on my back, blood all around me.  Standing in the door frame with a shocked expression on his face was Zayn.

"Zayn, I can explain!" I said, then Zayn lunged forward, wrapping his arms protectively around me in a hug.

"Niall," he breathed, "Why...?"

I didn't have the words to explain why, or how much I was going through...how much the pain I felt everyday was slowly creeping up on me.  I couldn't explain just how much I loved him, so I let myself break down in his arms, clutching his shirt, trying to find a bit of comfort, as the one I loved held me tight, whispering soothing things in my ear.

I didn't think it was possible...but I was beginning to fall in love with him even more.