There will be Blood

15-Joie de Vivre

BELLA POV

"No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close."-Chuck Palahniuk

All things related to Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer.

The beginning of October came with a rush of chills off of Lake Michigan as the leaves turned an odd shade of burgundy, seemingly overnight.

It had been three days since I left Edward's bed without a single word and I was miserable to say the least. I was snippy, clipped, had a very bad attitude and didn't really feel like doing anything but sitting in my room. Unfortunately, real world called and I had to go to school but I would have loved to stay in bed.

As much as I hated it, Edward owned me.

I was hands down, in his command. The day after I left, I spent it thinking about what could have been if I had stayed. Would Edward remember me the next day? Would he even care that I had left? Was he thinking about me?

Of course he wasn't. Why on earth would Edward Cullen be thinking about me? All he wanted was sex anyway. He was probably fucking his way up and down the East coast by now, not a thought in his mind about me or the time we spent together.

That was what hurt the most. The fact that Edward had treated me just like every other girl who had been in his bed. No matter how much I wanted to be in control or how much I wanted to appear strong in front of him, none of that mattered for the simple fact that I was in too deep.

Three days later and I was sitting in class, worse than I was before all of this happened.

If I had never met Edward, I would have been fine and able to live my life without distraction but now all I saw was Edward. That one night that I had spent with him was both the best and worst. There was no doubt in my mind that Edward was the most amazing lover in the world and even with my limited knowledge on the subject, I was more than convinced that no one was going to live up to him in the future. I was going to be faking orgasms for the rest of my life. The sex was the best part of the night but all of that was overshadowed by the fact that I was probably never going to see him again.

He wasn't out looking for me and I wasn't in any position to beg him for what, a relationship? Is that what I wanted? The thing about all of this was that he was making me question everything I had tried to stand against. It wasn't like I was some crusader who came here to fight the man or anything. I was just a college freshman who wanted to get good grades and make something of herself. I made a promise to myself to stay focused and not get sidetracked with relationships or things like that.

Did I want a relationship with Edward?

Of course not...maybe...no...yes...

Damn it!

Edward didn't do relationships anyway so the point was moot. All I knew was that I wanted to spend time with him, as much time as possible. If that came with sex then so be it but I would be more than happy to just sit with him on the grass and eat lunch. Isn't that what boyfriends and girlfriends did? It didn't matter what I called him but I wanted him bad, in every way possible. Sexually, he was an itch I had to scratch. Emotionally, he was someone I was connected to on more than just a superficial level. He hit me deep and I never stepped into anything halfway, which included the bad, high school boyfriends I had over the years.

Edward wasn't that kind of man and furthermore, it wasn't my job to push him into anything that he didn't want. If he got his fill of me then I was going to have to be happy with that decision.

Alice knew of my slight problem and was trying to do her best to cheer me up, but it wasn't really working. I hated to be a downer so I kept a lot of my words bottled up. Alice was having fun with her new "friend" Jasper anyway. That was part of the reason why I never told her anything. I didn't know what would get back to Edward through his brother. I could only guess what Alice and he were doing when they went out for the night but I didn't question her. She seemed to be happier than normal so I left her alone.