Mental: Sick Sanity

Prologue

It was as it always is; silent. The stainless, white room was completely empty. I was looking around waiting for anything. Anything that could distract my attention from that. Anything that could make me numb for even just a second. No windows; nothing. I was sat down on the ground, my purple-bruised legs spread on the cold floor.

My sorrowful pain got stuck in my throat and my screams no longer filling the room with eerie horror. The door opened, slowly creaking as a blurry shadow appeared. All I could make out from it was that it was black. All black excepting the pale skin. There was a barely perceptible contour of his skin against the ever-white, clinical background. My arms were tied as usual; my slightly-wet, dark hair covering a big part of my face. Through the locks of hair I could see his shadow. 

The drugs were kicking in.

I struggled to get rid of the tiredness that embraced my body, making my legs soften and my head throb disturbingly. I opened my mouth to scream but he rushed over to my side and covered my parted lips with his hand. I gasped as the air that was supposed to get in through my lips was blocked by his cold hand.

I imagined the doctors waiting outside to see if he could ‘tame’ me. Every time it was the same story. I was sick of them. I was sick of them all. All. All!   

I screamed, feeling my vocal chords straining as my yell was muffled by his soft hand. Cold and soft; it felt like a ghost’s touch. I started shaking my head violently as he was behind me. He put the other hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently. I screamed again.

“Stop.” He said in my ear, the sound passing through my soft but so raveled hair.

I took a really deep breath as he reluctantly removed his hand from my mouth. After his hand fell down on the floor, I realized he was kneeling down behind me. I moved, getting up and dashing to a wall. I turned around to see him still. I leaned against the wall and screamed. I slightly gazed in his direction to see him desperately getting up to stop my loud cries. The sound was deafening even for my ears but I wanted to yell.

I wanted to cause them pain. It will never equal the pain they caused me.

Once again, after I closed my eyes, a hand covered my mouth. I felt tears coming out of my eyes. I couldn’t even feel anything anymore, just the wet trickles that went down my cheeks. I was gasping for air but he didn’t remove his hand. It was to be expected.

I started moving my hands frantically, trying to get them out of the stupid jacket. He opened the belts from my back and then the ones in front with one hand; one hand was covering my mouth. I freed my arms and reached out for his hand. I gently removed it while his look was fixing me from my right. When I knew he wouldn’t have enough time to stop me quick enough, I screamed. I yelled. I bawled. I ululated. I cried out for a few seconds before I felt something being slapped across my face. It came from my left, making my left cheek easily sting. It was nothing. Like thin air.

I was facing him now because of the slap he gave me which made my head move aside. I looked at him but all I could see was either too blurry, either covered by locks of hair so after I took one short breath I started yelling again.

He seemed to scowl and then, his hands gripped my arms by the elbows and jerked me. I only yelled louder if it was possible. After he noticed nothing affected me, he stopped. I stopped screaming too.

He approached his head just slightly. Seeing the movement, I started yelling again. I bent my head down and screamed at the floor. I guess it bothered him.

A second later, he hitched the back of my neck and lashed my lips. He lashed my lips with his own, making me disgusted. My hands kept pushing themselves in his chest but I couldn’t budge him anyhow. His lips hitched my still ones and his hands kept pushing me towards him roughly. I tried to scream but my yell was muffled by his mouth. As soon as I started yelling, he easily bit my lip as if warning me to stop.

After few flustered moments of struggling, I stopped. I stood motionless. I stayed still, as a dead-body. I had to wait so he’d stop. I didn't stand a chance. I didn't have any power.