Falling Harder✔

Chapter Eighteen :The beginning of the end

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He said, "I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah , and I know from Allah that which you do not know.(Qur'an 12:86)

Chapter Eighteen:

The beginning of the end.

Dear diary, the heartbreak I endured was no less than a hurricane. The devastation was absolute, our emotional home levelled, torn apart. There is nothing for us to return to. We stand together and alone. When I reach inside of myself I find that what is left is raw but solid, a strong foundation to build a new life upon, a peaceful one.

I have a chance to only allow in those that are kindred to my spirit, that nurture and love. I'm wiser; I know for whom the doors must always be locked. It is a chance for change and renewal, an opportunity to grow and learn. Though the loss of you was once was my nightmare, I can breathe once more. I can see the light of the new day even when all else is dark. There are more dreams to come for you and I, sunshine on rainy days, laughter and silliness, just not together.

You came into my life like a tornado, washed away my happiness and in return, all I got was stabs in my back, all the love I showered on you, was reciprocated by betrayal. Yet today, I wish you a happy life full of bliss. May your loved ones fill your life with joy, may your heart be a home for affection. Because I know much it hurts when the home in your heart turns to a pit of fire burning you in anguish and pain.

I have tried, a million times to loathe you. I have tried a billion times to forget you but, it gives me immense pain when my brain refuses to do away with the memories you left me with.

How can I hate the one I used to pray for in the darkest hours of night, how can I forget about the one who was always in my sight? It hurts it truly does but, one thing is for sure, one of us has to be happy and today unfortunately I won't choose you!

I unchain myself from the shackles that hold me to you. I forgive you for all the hurt you caused me, because I realize that, letting go and moving on means to forgive and forget. But you, forgetting you is not as easy as it is.

An eternity I dreamt to start with you, yet forever ended too soon. We both deserve happiness, we both deserve a lot from this world but not as a whole, just two halves, halves that never meant to belong to one another.

We are all beautiful stories we just don't belong to the same book. You wish and I wish but Allah plans what he wills. I don't complain of what has been deprived of me; I know His plans will be worth the pain and if there's nothing in store for me, I will just be glad that I got an experience of how this four lettered word feels, Love, a word that has worlds of tiny hearts in it. But for you today, I pray that you get the best of these two worlds.