Elizabeth's Diary || The Crucible

If Things Were Different

I remember when I was young girl, I had many things to cherish. I had a large home, many friends, and even parents who loved me. Many did not have the things I did. It fascinated me how others spoke with my parents. Whenever they spoke they always addressed my mother as Goody. I never understood what it meant since that was not her name. As I grew up, I realized all the married women were addressed as Goody and then their husband's last name. Greatly confused, I asked my mother why that was. She said "Honey, it is used to point out the wife. There is no need to address her first name." I was in awe. It struck me quite hard as right then I realized that as a woman, you are less. Why can't I be know disconnected to my family name and future husband's name? I wish to be my own person with my own opinions, beliefs, and morals. I do not want to worry myself with reputation and other's opinions of me. The world would be a much better place if I could just be my own person I would be so satisfied. I will never be satisfied. One day when I am a bride, is a title all I have to look forward to? I want more than what this world has to offer me here in Salem. I feel like I'm trapped inside a dresser and no one will let me out to see what's outside of what I have been taught. I wish for more. Now that I am a woman, nothing has changed since I was a girl. My husband, John, is wonderful no doubt but I want to make a name for myself. I have to suppress myself every time someone speaks to me when I really want to explode inside. I learned that life does not always go the way you want. In this world, is it very difficult to make a change. I do not have the strength to make this change and I pray that someone comes along who is. I hope one day to possess this strength so I too can make a difference. Though as much as I want to rise up, I could not at the expense of my parents and now my husband. I digress, I can no longer wish these silly things for I am now a grown woman of a high held reputation. The system can not be beat no matter how corrupt, unfair, and challenged it may be. I've learned to accept it and embrace it. It can't possibly be so horrible can it? I'm not so sure anymore. It is no longer worth my effort to fight since it will not change in my short lifetime. Goody Proctor is who I am and forever shall I be, until death do us part, and in sickness and in health.

Reflective