Elizabeth's Diary || The Crucible

The Forest

It's cold. It's too cold in here. The draft envelops me in a blanket but is the farthest from comforting. It sinks into my brittle bones the longer it possesses me in it's grasp. Much like an old friend, always there, I walk through the field behind our home. I feel unwelcomed back here, like a secret being kept from me. I shiver and stop before I reach the stretch of land that connects our home to the forest. I turn back to our home, longing to go back. The next day, I venture farther into the forest but do not desire to. It's been lonely lately, with John gone for long periods of time. He is always warm when he is here. It's colder today, so much so that I can feel needles pricking at my skin. They drag across my pale arms and I feel like I might freeze. I tread forward against my better judgment and the farther I go in, the more I get the feeling of spiders, crawling up and down my back, their beady eyes sinking holes into me. They watch me and fear rises into my chest and out my throat. I have no reason to fret; I have committed no sin. God is on my side. I think; I shouldn't be writing this. I shouldn't be writing this and I know this is sin, but is it a sin if no one finds out? I am pure, as pure as an infant out of the womb, and I refuse to degrade myself to anything less. My tears will stay in this daunting forest forever. The cold almost freezes them to my face and it is almost like I can peel them off as they will remelt into the soil. Why is it that life can grow from the pain of others? I lay on my back; the grass is wet. It seeps through into my dress causing me to shiver more. Now, I can hardly breathe since the air is so dense, it hurts my lungs. There is no light in the forest and the trees dance with the shadows in the grass. The darkness fills the clearance in the forest. I am still in fear someone will discover me. As I lie here I wonder if God would lie with me so I could forget the world. Is it wrong for me to wish more of this life and serving the Lord? That is silly of me though for I have everything I could ever need right here in the cold forest. Yet, I continue to desire to leave. If I stay, then nothing will change about this constant life but if I go, I will have to start completely over with nothing to my name. The forest is my friend. The forest will not betray me, like John and Abigail have. God is good. God is my friend; God is a forest that covers me and has made a friend in me. The forest will never leave me.