To All Those Brave and Lovely

The Mistakes We Make

When Bucky found her, she was curled up between the wall and a washing machine, clutching that broken globe in her hands and crying into her shoulder.  And when he touched her, she screamed.

"It's okay."  Sometimes she can forget how strong the people she lives with are, but not now, when he reaches that metal arm out to curl around her and lift her towards him.  Nora thinks she might be crying, or maybe just whimpering, clutching at his shirt once he finally pulls her out of the shadows.  Everything is too bright and too loud, but Bucky is familiar, so she just clings to him and cries.  "Everything's okay now, okay?  Everything's going to be okay."

It takes her a while to calm down, and even after that, the only thing he can get out of her is that she doesn't want to go home, not yet.  So he takes her out to a diner a block away from the complex, where he orders her a mountain of pancakes that she doesn't touch and coffee that she holds in her hand until it goes cold.

"You know,"  He reaches out to pull her plate towards him (with his real hand, not the metal, he never uses the metal around her).  "When I first moved back, this is where Steve would take me when I started to freak out.  He'd order me pancakes, and then he'd just talk until I told him to shut the hell up."  She doesn't answer, just pokes at the ice cubes in his water with a fork, ignoring the look he gives her.  "And it didn't make things better.  But sometimes you need a break between the bad things and the being okay, where you don't talk and everyone just leaves you alone.  And that's fine.  But you're going to have to tell me what happened before we get back to the tower."

Nora doesn't say anything.  She doesn't know how to say it, because it's not like anything really happened, and it was the almsot that kept stopping her.  Like, something almost happened but it didn't so I shouldn't be this upsetting but it is, and it was my fault, and the guy didn't think there was anything wrong with what he was doing, and, and, and....   She's crying again, but doesn't notice until Bucky reaches out to cover her hand with his. This time, she doesn't flinch.  "Whatever happened, we can deal with it, alright?"  He looks scared for her, like he's got no idea what's going on.  Nora remembers suddenly that Tony said Bucky doesn't leave the complex much, won't leave without one of the team with him.  It would have taken a lot for him to come out here tonight.  To come out here to get her.  "We're going to take care of it."

He's spent a lot of his life taking care of things for people.  Doing people's dirty work, and cleaning up their messes.  And here he is, willing to take one more problem on his shoulders.  "I went to a party."  Her voice is dull, monotone, and when she breathes, its more of a stutter than a sigh.  "I went to a party because a boy invited me to it.  And I wasn't supposed to go, I knew that, but.."  People were staring at her, but she kept going, focusing on Bucky's eyes on her face and his promise of everything being okay.  "And we went up to his room, and we didn't do anything, really, nothing bad, but then he left, and someone else came in, and..."

She's really crying now, just choking on her words, suddenly very thankful she didn't eat those pancakes, because as soon as she started remembering the breath on her neck and the hands on her hips and the laughter when she finally made it out, she feels sick again.  But there's also Bucky crouching in front of her, pulling her to him, metal arm wrapped around her and real hand stroking her hair, never mind all the people watching.  "I'm sorry."  This was pathetic, it was horrible, it was chest heaving and nose running and words pouring out of her without making sense.  "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

"You're okay.  It's okay.  Everything's going to be okay."  And then, the thing she needed to hear more than anything, "This wasn't your fault.  Okay?  You need to know it wasn't your fault."

She says okay, but Nora isn't sure she believes it.