Purpose ❆ Benny Rodriguez

27 | feel

04/02/2016

chapter twenty-seven ;
FEEL

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DREAMING OF DEATH always managed to thoroughly unsettle me. Despite the fact that I had not watched any of the Halloween movies in months, Michael Myers haunted my dreams. I woke with a start when he stabbed me and Luke in the back simultaneously.

　Not really sure how he did that with one knife, but Michael Myers is Michael Myers.

　The previous night I had pulled my hair into a bun, but baby hairs were a pain in the ass; the shorter hairs that had escaped the bun clung to the back of my neck with sweat. I sat up on my bed, grimacing at the feeling.

　The sun had only just rose, shining dully. Even still, I refrained from lying back down. I had no desire to take the chances of being murdered by Michael Myers again. Granted, I did respawn in the dream, but the pain felt real, and the fear as well. Truly I was afraid of watching my brother die.

　Death was not so unreachable. Before Leon's demise, I'd never imagined anyone close to me dying so young. After him, the realization that anyone could be taken from me at any moment bore itself into my mind – but I had only been twelve years old at the time. After the agony of his death finally numbed and I could return to a normal life, I carried the knowledge with me that someone I loved could die at any given moment . . . but then there was that naïve hope that I would not lose someone else I held dear so soon. That had been Lynn. And it could be my brother, too, even in this moment.

　Without giving myself the proper time to fully awake, I dropped to the ground and went to Luke's bedroom. His door was closed tight, and I prayed in my mind as I slowly opened it. I was terrified of finding him dead. I could not imagine what Benny must have felt, finding his mother so cold and still.

　Fortunately, Luke was very much alive. He was wildly sprawled across his covers, arms and legs spread wide like a bird, and his mouth hung agape. The funniest part of the scene was Liz, who slept comfortably beneath one of Luke's arms. Even in sleep, she clung to him.

　A warm smile played on my mouth, and I recalled the day Benny had told me he loved me. He had mentioned that it would be cool should Luke and Elizabeth become a couple. Thinking about it now, it would be slightly odd if we'd all married. Before Benny could become my husband, he would be my brother-in-law.

　But Benny and I would never marry. We would never have a honeymoon in Paris, would never be able to bring Lynn along with us. A sharp pain stabbed my heart, and I closed the door behind myself.

　Nearly three months – that was how long it had been since Benny broke up with me. In that short amount of time we had become strangers. Whenever he bothered to show up for class, he never bothered to speak to me, unless he absolutely needed to. Ever since the night we last walked home together, he had only asked me for paper and scissors and notes for the classes he had missed. All I could do was cling to the fact that he had asked me, of everyone.

　But there was always the nagging tug of my gut. Benny hated me, and I had no idea how to cope with it. No idea how to understand why. Lynn had died, and suddenly his feelings for me simply vanished into thin air. I could not make any sense of it. He'd left me without an explanation.

　I planned to ask him for one.

　After showering and dressing and snapping a photo of Luke for leverage, I went downstairs and out of the door. The air was warm and wonderful; spring was in full swing, and summer fast approached.