requiem ➳ sugawara koushi ✓

ten

To My Dearest,

Thank you for everything up until now.

I'm sorry it had to end like this, even if I wanted nothing else but to make you happy, I'm afraid this will simply be a story of a failed love.

I know this will only sound unbelievable and hypocritical coming from someone like me but I hope you'll find something to live for. Something that will push you through every hardship in your life. This proved to be effective, at least for me, although I realised this far too late. Along with my feelings for you.

You were the sole reason of my drive to live. The reason why breathing felt easy. The reason why I was still feeling despite the numbing. The reason why I looked forward to every day. The reason why “tomorrow” still held a certain spark, clarity and meaning despite the end of my line approaching with every sunset.

I'm sorry I had to leave you this way. And I understand that it hurts, but please know that leaving you so suddenly kills me as well. Did you catch that joke? I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I hope you smiled even for a millisecond.

Please forgive me for this letter. You're not crying, are you? Please don't. Maybe that's too much to ask for, but I beg for you to not cry for me anymore. I've done my share of breaking your heart and as much as I want to wipe your tears away, I just don't have the capability to do so anymore.

You're the one in my thoughts today, as always. By the time this letter reaches you, is it already summer? I remember you telling me you loved this season because of the sunflowers. I still haven't forgotten our promise of watching those fields together this year. I'm sorry I won't be able to view them with you.

However, please don't let my disappearance change your fond memories of those flowers. When you look at that scene, will you promise me that you won't shed any tears, and smile for me, please?

The paper is running out, I suppose I have to end my letter here.

I love you. You are my light, my sunshine, my soulmate and my hope. Thank you for being my very first and last love. I'm glad it was you. I'm glad that I met you. Thank you.

Yours,

S. Koushi