199 Letters (l.s)

Chapter 3

Louis Tomlinson dead aged 19.

The world has woken up to the news this morning that One Direction member, Louis Tomlinson, was announced dead early hours of this morning. His death comes as a complete shock to all his family, friends and especially bandmates. An inside source has stated that Zayn Malik, Harry Styles, Niall Horan and Liam Payne had found Louis unconscious in the middle of the night and attempted to wake him up whilst waiting for paramedics. Despite their best efforts, as well as the paramedics, Louis was announced dead not long after arriving at the scene. No one is yet to speak of Louis' death, except for his representatives.

Zayn angrily throws the paper on the ground.

"How can people report on this shit, it's too soon. I haven't even had a second to breathe before some fuckhead is writing about it,"

Zayn was unbelievably tired. He hadn't slept all night. He hadn't even thought of sleeping. He was never going to recover from the traumatic events that he experienced. He'd been pent up with the boys, avoiding the public. Not one single person was ready to talk, or confirm. In fact, Zayn never wanted to confirm it. Because once they physically say it to the world, this becomes a lot more real. He looks at the 3 boys, who are on the couch. Harry is staring out the window in a trance. He's been like this for hours. The paramedics had told Zayn he had gone into shock and to keep an eye on him. Zayn hadn't spoken to him since last night. He knows he needs to apologise but right at this moment, he can't. Niall's face is pale, and his eyes are swollen. He looks exhausted, like he hasn't slept in days, just like Liam.

"It's out in the world now. The press is going to be following us and watching us like hawks," Liam said flatly.

"I'm not ready to speak about it. I won't ever be ready to speak about it. It's been how many hours? How can people expect us to talk so willingly?" Zayn stares at the paper again.

There's a lump in the back of his throat, and he can't get rid of it. He feels so small and weak. How can any of them be strong in a moment like this. They hadn't even spoken properly since it happened. They had spent the past few hours crying in silence. The only thing that Zayn was looking forward to, was boarding the plane and going home. He needed his parents, they all needed their parents. He knows he'll have to face Louis' parents and god, it's going to ruin him. But he wants to be as far away from this place as possible. Their luggage was spread all over the room, and in the very back corner was Louis'. When Zayn's eyes fall on the black suitcase, he cringes and blinks back the tears. Anything and everything about Louis is too much.

There's a knock at the door and Zayn is the one to answer. Their security let them know it's time to head to airport. He looks back at the boys, who begin to get up. Harry's the last person to remove himself from the couch. He looks physically sick. He wears a large coat, and he wraps his arms around himself and walks towards the door. Their van is out the back, away from all the press. Most of the press. They cover their heads as they pile into the car and speed off.

"Those are the first photos without him," Niall whispers, unsure if he was saying it to himself or the boys

Liam shakes his head, and closes his eyes. Niall looks back out the window. Harry is frozen in place in the back seat, staring ahead. There's so much pain and torture in his eyes. Zayn wants to hug him. As weak as they all are, he knows Harry is going to take this the hardest. He can't help but find himself on his phone. He's reading all the articles about it.

How the fuck do these people find out all this information so fast? Who tells them these things?

The one thing that Zayn is slightly relieved about, is that they haven't mentioned suicide. It's all about how they found him unconscious. It all looks like an accidental death. He hopes it stays like this for a while. When it comes out as suicide, he knows they'll have to talk. He puts his phone back in his pocket and closes his eyes. Exhaustion rushes over him, and his body begs for sleep. He can't sleep. But he stays with his eyes closed. If he sees the scene behind closed eyes, he can't imagine what his dreams will be like.

"Will things ever be normal again?" Niall asks, and Zayn opens his eyes.

He doesn't know what to say. Before he can open his mouth, Harry speaks. His first words since the forest.

"No. It's never going to be normal," His voice is flat, it doesn't even sound like Harry

Harry's eyes are bloodshot red, his face and eyes are swollen. His body is hunched and his hands shake. His chocolate brown hair is wild and unkempt. He had been pulling at it all night. He's got dark bags under his eyes and his lips are pale as snow. In fact, he's as pale as snow everywhere. The only sign of colour is his eyes, which are a dull green. There's no sign of Harry Styles inside.

"What are we supposed to do?" Niall's voice is breaking, and Zayn knows he's about to cry

"Don't forget, that's what we do," Harry looks at the floor.

"I couldn't forget if I tried," Liam whispered

"Neither," Zayn focuses on the overcast sky.

"How do we cope?" Liam looks at Zayn

"I'll let you know when I figure it out."

Somehow Zayn manages to fall asleep. He doesn't remember falling asleep, but he did. He wakes up at the airport. Security are telling them to get ready. He can hear the paparazzi outside and it instantly makes him angry. He's so tired that he feels like he's not in his own body. The rest of the boys are just about ready to make a beeline to their plane. Zayn sighs. This is their life. They move quickly but Zayn can't help but hear all the questions they're hurling at them.

Is Louis really dead?

Where is Louis?

What happened to Louis?

Zayn suppresses the urge to turn around and give it to them. He doesn't have the energy, and he knows the boys couldn't handle it either. Not today, not for a while. Out of respect of the boys, he follows them into the plane. He takes the first seat he can, while the others find their own. It takes about 30 minutes but eventually they're up in the air. The cabin is silent. He's pretty sure Niall and Liam had fallen asleep but he isn't entirely sure. When the cabin crew come through, Zayn can't help but overhear Harry order a bottle of scotch. This is going to be Harry's coping mechanism. Zayn doesn't order anything, he ends up taking the Valium he'd been prescribed before touring for his anxiety. There was no more perfect time than now to take it.