If, Then, Because (on hold)

Mr. Wrong

Beneath my polished exterior lies a work under revision. Constantly I evaluate, analyze, scrutinize me. Then changes are made.

Last week I used an outdated method to brush my teeth. This week I brush my teeth in tiny circles from back to front, back to front. Top to bottom, top to bottom. Right to left. This is just an example, of course.

To me, life is what you make it and I get bored easily. My life is predictable, to say the least. I grew up in a quaint little suburb complete with neighborhood picnics and shrubbery. My mother and father have been together twenty-five years; I’ve got a seventeen year old brother and a twelve year old sister. My coffee-colored ranch came equipped with any three dogs at any given time, one for each child, though that’s not often how it worked. My middle school years were awkward, my high school years where I bloomed, and my college years where I succeeded.

There’s no point in time where I can say I flat-lined and yet somehow it seemed to happen terribly quickly. I have always lived a monotonous existence filled with responsibility and dedication. My first job at fourteen was a secretary for my father’s law firm. I had been his shadow since I was born, so I was a natural at following his schedule.

I wanted more out of my life than those silly girls in my high school. I listened to their drama, flirted with their boys, and began to detect a pattern. Silly girls in high school reach a peak that they will never return to.

I’m just getting started.

As a librarian, I am fond of keeping lists. After I dismissed Dex that day I ceased work on my creative essay and took my composition notebook from a desk drawer. I started this particular list when I was seventeen years old, when it became alarmingly clear to me that I would never meet a man like my father. My Mr. Wrong List details my past. Each man earns a page as the intolerable qualities mount.

Truthfully, I’m fortunate the list is short. Over the past seven years I developed my technique from a paragraph or two of their physical attributes and unpleasant behavior. My refined system now includes what makes them wrong, as well as the previous criteria. I keep it in case I need a reminder of what I’m holding out for.

Yes, life at home was predictable and monotone, but it was a good, healthy environment to raise a child. I’ve dreamed my whole life of the opportunity to provide my own child with the same stability.

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Seventeen

Name: Oliver York

Age: 17

Occupation: None

Relationship: 3..weeks

Physical Appearance: white, 5’8, 135 lbs., brunette flippy hair that was always in brown eyes, wore “Target” clothes that were always baggy.

He called Lily fat in front of me. Then tried to kiss me. Like I was supposed to be happy I was skinner than Lily. She works really hard; she just got bad genes.

Special Notes: Ball Date

Trait Lacking: a filter

Eighteen

Name: Alexander Crown

Age: 19

Occupation: Dishwasher at the local Cracker Barrel

Relationship: 2..months

Physical Appearance: half-Hispanic, 5’11, 170 lbs., super gelled and prickly hair, green eyes, wore clothes from Express, smelled like Clove cigarettes