[Published Book] Three Words, Eight Letters, If I say it, Will I be yours?

[39] Welcome Back, Chanel Courtney Chua :)

Chapter 39

ELLE'S POV

November 24.

Happy 21st Birthday Kean Patrick Padua.

A lot of things had happened. A lot of smiles and tears were given. A lot of hearts were broken.

But there's one thing that hasn't changed. And that's my love for you. 

Although you left me here alone. There's some part of me that still don't understand why I'm still here for you..

Waiting. Loving. Not giving up. And still hoping. 

Hoping that someday.. I'll get over you. And one day someone will save me from this nightmare I'm experiencing. That someone will replace you. Someone will love me more than you love me. Someone will not leave me just like what you did to me. 

I just need someone like you. 

But I don't think that's possible for now. I found Dylan Patrick Lagua. He's very similar to you in a lot of ways. Your talking, your walking, your being moody. He's got it all. But where is he? He's with Denise. He chose her.. After deciding that I'm choosing him over Yohann. 

Then there's Yohann Salazar. You look like him. Impossibly true. At first, I thought it was you. 

Then, I started to cry again, expecting that you came back for me to continue our love that hasn't grew. I started thinking that I'm starting to love him but I started feeling blue.

Coz you're not him, and he's not you. And you're not coming back to me. And there's nothing I can do. 

I promised that I won't cry. I promised that I will never let myself be hurt again. Pero.. I think. Promises are really meant to be broken. 

We keep promises. Why? Kasi.. We want it to happen. I promised myself that I wont cry because that's what I want to happen. 

Pero.. In reality. We keep promises kasi we know na yung promise natin is one thing na sobrang hirap gawin. Ipropromise mo sa sarili mo na hindi ka na magstastalk. Magdidiet ka na. Hindi ka na iiyak. Magaaral ka na. It's easy to do sa isang beses pero kapag daily na.. Mahirap na. 

Masyadong mahirap pangatawanan ang mga pangako. Kadalasan, puro umpisa lang yan.. Sa huli, mapapako din yan. 

Pero one of the things na nagiinspire sa atin to do our promises is kasi pinromise natin sa sarili natin na gagawin natin yun. 

Pero.. Keeping in mind that that is a promise is not enough para gawin mo yung promise mo forever.. That's why promises are meant to be broken. 

Tulad ngayon. I'm crying again. Why? Masisisi niyo ba ako? Nandito ako sa lugar kung saan sinaboy ang labi ng taong pinakamamahal mo tapos hindi ka maiiyak kapag naisip mo lahat mg pinagdaanan niyo?

Flashbacks.. Are really painful. It makes you happy. For awhile. And then suddenly, you'll realize na.. Those memories can and will only happen in flashbacks. 

"YAH! Kean! Kung katabi mo si Lord diyan! Which I doubt. Wag mo naman siyang ifriend! Wag mo kong ipagdamot! Kasalanan mo lahat to! Iniwan mo ko! Bakit ganito?! Am I meant to be alone?!? Wag kang selfish!! Pengeng lovelife!!"

Habang umiiyak sinisigaw ko yun. Wala namang masyadong tao. Natatawa nga ako sa sinabi ko. Namimiss ko kami ni Kean. Ganito kami magusap eh..